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140,133 Literary Works • 673,030 Reviews
Hey, thanks for the feedback! Do you have any critical feedback for me, especially concerning imagery and flow? I'm trying to develop my own voice in poetry, and that would help.
Whoa, you have some amazing dreams. I don't know if you consider these nightmares but whenever I have a dream like these, I wake up excited. Maybe that's just me.
Anyways, I like the way it was laid out, it was interesting to read and I'm sure a lot of people can relate.
Apparently teeth falling out in dreams would indicate anxiety or stress. So I recommend trying out an activity to help relieve some of that, maybe even just before bed. My personal favourite is 9gag or YouTube.
Anyways, keep it up and good luck on future work.
Yo, thanks for the feedback!
I, er, kinda know I have really bad anxiety, lol. It's clinical. 9gag and YouTube aren't gonna do anything for it.
Do you have any other feedback on the imagery or the flow of the poem? I'm really looking for help developing my own style.
Sure. First thing I'd like to point out is that the repetition of 'I had a dream' is very similar to that of Martin Luther King's 'I have a dream', which is very well known. But I'm not sure there's much you can do about that, you'll have to be quite creative to change that into something else and still leave the same impression.
You tend to not capitalise, although I'm sure you're aware of that already.
Now considering the imagery and flow. It seems to me like you're simply listing a whole bunch of messed up dreams you had, maybe it would be intriguing if you were to create an image of each dream by using words that complement it. I want to see words like 'terror' , 'fright', 'weeping', 'anxiety'. these are the kind of words that put the reader on edge, just as you were while dreaming. Ultimately, make the reader believe they are experiencing the dream.
Also, your paragraph structure is a little strange. It seems a little sporadic, for a poem like this it should go from a normal nightmare to a terrifying vivid experience.
That last paragraph you wrote was supposed to be clarifying something, but I'm not sure what.
So that's it, I wrote down my thoughts very randomly, this little window in which to reply with makes it quite difficult to reply easily. But oh well
Good luck!
What? You don't need to say those words to put people on edge, and "anxiety" is so clinical I wouldn't use it in this. Also, I thought that it was supposed to sound like "I have a dream" and the juxtaposition made it more jarring. It would be quite easy to change it to "I dreamt one night" or something.
Sure. But the imagery needs work. There needs to be some emotive words and descriptions. But this is just opinion, if you don't want to change it then nobody is twisting your arm. Your work, my critique. We'll keep it that way
Arou, that wasn't me that responded just now, that was @Wunderbar.
Please, while I agree with Wun, pay attention to who's talking to you. I don't appreciate being talked to like that when I'm not even the one who said it, haha.