Through the window, I see them.
They walk to each door, asking.
When they knock, no one answers.
When they ring, no one comes.
And so they are all alone.
Their cold hands grasp the knocker,
And it sends the message clear,
The door rings the same sound repeatedly,
Saying the same words each time.
If you only let me in, you will see.
And then maybe you will know who I am
Perhaps you will find that I am like you,
A person all alone in a cold world.
Perhaps you will find something,
Something you didn’t have before.
Something you will find you needed.
Something called a friend.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,816 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Hai Timmy! Actually gonna review this time
Hmm, so I thought this poem was good, and must've before this as well because I already liked it xD But reading it again although it has potential there is a bit more that could be added to make it better. I liked the symbolism in the situations, of reaching out and needing a friend and the loneliness of always being behind the closed door. It was good of you to have those two in there. But for some reason the ending seems kind of abrupt and sudden because we have no prior connection to the poem being about friendship other than the title. I am sure there are more ways to incorporate it, and maybe I can help you as I read through this and break into it stanza by stanza
Line 1: Nothing to change, and I like how you refer to the people as 'them.' We don't need to identify exactly who they are, just know that they are someone at this point in time.
Line 2: I would cut the 'they' at the beginning of the sentence and change it into Walking to each door, answering. Just because it flows better like this, for the rhythm. And we don't need to be reminded so soon that the they is unspecified.
I like the rest of the stanza, and the use of repetition here is awesome
Line 1: Fine, because it shows how loneliness can be cold and devastating. But the rest of the stanza is where my problem lies.
You say it brings the message clear, their hands on the doorknob and the words unsaid. But wouldn't it be more so their face expressions that are giving the game away? Maybe you should mention how their faces are long and drawn, and the words die on their lips, a ghostly message unsaid or something slightly eerie and creepy like that. I would much more appreciate that than the repetition of the word door again and going on about the message we are about to hear for three lines. One would be good enough and then we can still see the agonising loneliness for the previous two.
Line 1: Why is it that your first lines are always perfect?
Line 2: And then maybe you, four words that are really breaking up the rhythm here. So I guess they need some changing! How about: and know who I am, inside and out. Doing that would mean no full stop at the end of the previous line though, because it's a continuation of the sentence.
Line 3: Let it be as it is, it's a good connection to the fourth line.
Line 4: It's good as it is, so you could just leave it. Or emphasise the fact that they are both lonely people in the world, not just one being lonely and the other supporting them. So like this: Just another statue frozen alone in this winter. Or something like that xD
The end verse is fabulous and I wouldn't change it for the world ^.^
A nice message to have in a poem. I do believe it's important for more people to reach out, and see what friends they could make. There are so many opportunities out there people are missing!
Deanie x
Why am I finding all these fabulous reviews so late. >>
I'm sowwyyyy. Thank you for all these great reviews, Livvy. :') Even if I'm finding them a year late. xd
Interesting at the very least. At the most quite poetic. I've always enjoyed freeform poetry. On another note however, I feel as though it's quite vague. There's such a thing as letting the reader draw their own conclusions, however a bit more guidance would be a good Idea.
Thank you for your constructive review! Most apprectiated!
*appreciated
Oh my goodness, this was incredible. It's dramatic, it's heartfelt, and it's so, so true to life. The writing style is captivating, and really draws you in.
You feel the pain they feel, because at one point or another in your life, you've been there. You want people to look beyond the reflection and truly see the heart behind it all.
I loved this piece. Incredibly so.
Thank you!
Thank you!
AMAZING perr-fect
*speechless * ^-^
thanks...
any time
Hello timmyjake, Cheetah here to review your lovely poem!
Anyway, I called this. On to the review!
Okay, first of all, I totally called this. I knew it was going to be in the spotlight and I wanted to tell you that but I had to leave right then.
I LOVE this poem. It's absolutely beautiful and the message couldn't have been clearer.
The rhythm here is wonderful and this is he perfect way to end your poem.
Thank you for sharing and keep writing more fantastic poetry!
poetry touches the emotions ,artistic diction
Thanks for your review!
You're welcome!
I'm in awe
.
thank you... I am touched, truly.
Fine. I'll admit it. This poem made me cry. It was just so filled with raw, seething emotion and I could totally understand the meaning behind the verses. So simple, yet so powerful. Being a wallflower, the longing for friends is very great. Now, you could have friends, or friends you call friends but you know you really have nothing in common with these people. You laugh with them, you get angry at them, but they. Just. don't. Understand. I'm moving off topic here now, but what I've basically been trying to say is that those people you know are like you -- those people you can talk to without making an idiot of yourself and actually hold deep discussions with -- those are the ones you wish were your friends. But you're too afraid to make the first move. You're too afraid because you know the other person is afraid too. There are two sides to every story.
There was an overall balance in what you said, and I find that adds to the stark beauty of the poem. The free verse is haunting and melancholic, like the last dead words to a lament, and the ending is precise and well-summed up. I may be a bit biased here, seeing as I'm not taking out any nit-picks or talking about technicalities, but the subject-matter is so strong, I feel like there's nothing to say. You chose a common topic, and turned it into something uncommon. When I first saw the title, I was -- forgive me for this -- expecting a soppy poem about the importance of friends, "ships that never sink" and the other typical stuff. You have proved me very, very wrong, and for that I congratulate you.
Enough of my random rambles. Let's talk about the poem. You succeeded in making me feel cold and empty, and yet at the same time you filled us with this last hope -- this spark. You show us light at the end of the tunnel, which may not necessarily be a train in this context.
Wonderful job on this!
Keep writing! Keep it up!
Digital cookies,
~Pompadour
Thanks for the review!!
Yeah, not that kind of a tunnel. 
I made you cry? hee hee. Sorry.
Heh, it's OK. It was just a little sniffling. Now, if your poem was about Fred Weasley dying... *breaks out into uncontrollable sobs*
And your welcome!
Fred Weasley dying, eh? *Starts thinking about possible poetry*
NO!! You fiend! Do you want to be held responsible for causing the next great flood?!
Of course! Mwahahaha
The Battle of Marathon, Pt. 5 The End
Whoops! hee hee. *disappears*
You meanie, you. *glares*
Wow...that is really good. Alright, I am new here, so sorry thins review is going to kinda suck...anyways, I like how it shows how pepole are shy, but, should open themselfs up, because, there might be a perfect friend out there waiting for them, if they would only open the metaphoric door. It also shows that there are always people willing to be your friend, which is a good message for someone going though a lot. It also shows that maybe you should try to go up to someone new, and talk to them, it could turn out every well. Sorry my review kinda sucks. But, good job!
Nah, your review was awesome! Especially for your first!
Thanks!!!!
Thanks!!
*Fallow*
sorry that was a accident didn't want to do that but great story kinda odd i didn't quite get but i thought it was good sorta inspiring i have never seen anything quite like it it was interesting i read the desription but i still don't quite get where you got the idea but it was awesome.
Thanks for your review!
yep
Just wanted to let you know that I deleted the accident review!
My cat likes to offer similar reviews... *shakes head*
Hi, ladcat13 here with a review! I love the symbolism of this poem! (That is, if I interpreted it correctly. I can be a derp when it comes to poetry) I like how you compared some people to doors no one will answer, and some people to the person knocking who is left in the cold. Did I do that right? I hope I did, because this poem was fantastic! Your flow and rhythm was consistent, there were no typos, and though your poem wasn't long, it didn't need to be. You conveyed a powerful message in three simple stanzas. You say you came up with this while doodling? Wow! You ought to doodle more often; this is some great work! I can't even find anything to nitpick. Nothing at all. Terrific job on this! And, as always, keep on writing!
Thanks for the review!!