That familiar perfume has been distant for so long,
Almost forgotten in the swamp of time.
This forbidden fruit which now welcomes me so urgently,
The carbs and sugars beckoning to fill my plate.
This day is one flavor better than those before,
For I hear the honk and see the pizza car.
The faded magnet slips half-way down as the car door creaks open,
And an over-stuffed pair of jeans is exposed to the sunlight.
His stride is awkward and whistle distorted.
Day-old sauce peeks through stained teeth as he grins.
He balances his prizes with one flabby hand,
Waving with the other as my face peaks through the open window.
The scent approaches and I breathe in,
Inhaling all those flavors that combine to create one.
It continues to come closer until I can see the bent cardboard edges,
The dirty pizza boxes glaring at me with an intensity that makes me waver.
But then I don’t care,
Because the pizza guy is finally here.
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139,816 Literary Works • 672,772 Reviews
Wow Tim!!! This is pretty funny
Now I know why you dance in your seat when we're getting our pizza. 
lol
Like Livvy pointed out, the 'carbs' word kind of makes the rest of the line a little bit awkward. Maybe if you changed it to something like, 'The sugars aching to be on my plate.' That sounds awful but you know, something along those lines maybe?
I really like this line. It does an excellent job painting a picture of a really fat pizza guy attempting to lurch his way out of a beat-up, old car.
So other than that, I can't find anything wrong with this piece, as usual. Can't wait to see more
Thanks for your review!
hey man,
i enjoyed Reading your poem because i can make sense out of it without having to spend three weeks on it in English class. i'm not saying that there isn't a deeper meaning, cause there might be and i went over my head, but its cool just reading it straight. i too very much enjoy eating pizza, and always feel gross after i'm done. particularly if its from a lower end place. cause we all know that the next morning, there will be acne in the places your napkin missed
Hola! So, as I mentioned earlier I figure out why I thought this poem had a deeper meaning. (And maybe you can add it in there as well.)
I thought that because of the title 'forbidden fruit' it kind of made me think of the Adam and Eve story, which then related to me to temptation. And how the temptation had been gone for a long time, but now that the pizza guy is here, it's right back, facing you face to face. (Hehe). So yes, that's the meaning I derived from this. But it would be very nice if you could actually take this meaning, or another one that you can find and kind of play around with it. Then you could have a really awesome poem that has a deeper meaning, but then can be read as a light sort-of-ish nonsense and funny one too. If you get what I mean
That aside, I thought this line was a little bit awkward. I wondered why you chose carbs? It seemed out of place. I would've much rather you focused more on the sugar and mentioned that they'd always had a sweet tooth or something similar to that...
Apart from that one line though, and including a meaning, there isn't a thing I would change. I liked the randomness in this as well. Keep it up ^.^
Deanie x
Thank you for your review, Livvy! I will think about what to change that line...
Hey there it's me AnimeGirl to give your poem a review!
Now follow me and jump/swim/fly/ or ride a turtle in!
Now for the review!! I wanted to pick out somethings.
First-
"His stride is awkward and whistle distorted.
Day-old sauce peeks through stained teeth as he grins.
He balances his prizes with one flabby hand,
Waving with the other as my face peaks through the open window."
This stanza stuck out to me and I wanted to comment about it. I'm going to go line by line ok?
"His stride is awkward and whistle distorted."
This one was good and I liked it.
"Day-old sauce peeks through stained teeth as he grins."
This one was one that I didn't quiet understand, why was this important? It was this and his 'flabby hand' that was all we got from him, he walks funny, doesn't care about how he looks, and has flabby hands. Maybe add more about what he looks like to let us get a feel about this. That was just my thoughts, just ignore them if you don't care about that.
"He balances his prizes with one flabby hand,"
This one was good.
"Waving with the other as my face peaks through the open window."
This one was funny to me and I liked it, very good.
That was the only stanza that stuck out to me because it gave an image on what the guy looked like, but any way the poem was great and fun to read. Your punctuation, grammar, and spelling was good. Some parts were hard for me to read but it's because I'm no used to certain things. But over all I loved the poem, it was entertaining, and thank you for posting it.
Follow your dreams and heart!
~AnimeGirl
Thanks for your review!