Hairy legs beat like soft drums against the hardwood creeping
as they extend across their trek. watch where you step
silken threads with fly wings trail behind, crawling
swaying with waves of buggy air.
(no pun intended—so sorry)
Speeeeyders
Scaling your mountainous maze of a wall, climbing
a shadow against the poster and photo contrast. watch them work
(can you see their figure plastered there?) creating
Weaving a web upon the ceiling edges,
tossing spidery silk back and forth with delicate resolve.
Spiderrrrrrrrs
With eager eyes they watch their prey, calming
buzzing or chatting beneath them. watch their stillness
(you can’t feel their presence, can you?) charming
Their presence goes in laughing and ignorance
until you see them swaying on the wall.
Then they’re greeted with a shattering scream.
(don't throw that shoe, dearie)
Spiiiiiiiiders
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140,238 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
What should I say, hm?
I wouldn't change a thing
But you know, I still am petrified of spiders.
It may sound funny, but I wrote this especially for youuuu, and have been planning it for months.
Because you hated spiders. xD
So for me you wrote a poem about something I hate?
Thanks so much xD
You're so weird, you know. Totally craxy.
I DID. Especially for you. I had it written probably six months ago, and then rewrote it while I was in the wilderness. xD
Now that's a word I haven't seen in a while. hee-hee
Wow, amazing poem, arranged in a good format.
But, honestly, bit scary, Spiderrrrrs! oh god, help me to hide!
the way you described spiders is awcool! (sorry it's my personalized word. Awful+Cool=Awcool)
Awful because, they're spiders. but, you wrote it in a super way! "Pats on Back"
Why you wrote "speeeeedyrs" at first while you wrote "spiderrrrrs" and "spiiiiiders" later. is this mistake or it's just the writing style?
anyway, i liked the very first line too much, wonderfully it says,
"Hairy legs beat like soft drums against the hardwood creeping"
And you did make some conversation with the reader. good job. keep it up.
Good day!
Thanks for the reader! Yeah, I intentionally misspelled those words.
cool, no worries.
Thanks for the review. xD Typo there.
Hahah, this is a clever poem. I personally am not afraid of spiders, but I know many people who act towards spiders on this way. XD it's a really clever poem, and it's written beautifully. Well done, Timmy! ^_^ I look forward to reading more of your work, 'cause you seem to be awesome at poetry and stuff like this! Haha. ^_^ And I like how you didn't intend to make thay pun, so you apologized for it. Clever.
Thank youuuu so much for this review. It really encourages me to write another.
Ok, I'm officially creeped out, lol.
I really enjoyed reading this, despite the goosebumps. ))
There were a few lines that I particularly liked, for instance, "Hairy legs beat like soft drums against the hardwood" it added a dramatic tone already to the poem, good job!
Another one was this one, "tossing spidery silk back and forth with delicate resolve."
"Delicate resolve?" Beautiful. Just Beautiful. I like your style.
Thank you so much!
I really appreciate the compliments.
I love your format in this poem, it reminds me of a skittering spider. and i love your side notes to they were fun. over all really nice job and keep it up.
try to forget about those spidderrsssss
Thank you!
OI, TIMMY.NONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONONO!
Spoiler
*No spiders*
*just wanted to make your screen so pretty and small*
<.< Why all the nooooo? Now my screeen goes oooon and ooon. meanie.
hee-hee I take this as a compliment.
*have fun with your small screen*
*enspoilers*
*huffs* Iggggggy.
Yayyyy. Thanks, Iggy. Dat's annoying.
hehe lost
Hey Timothy! Yes, I can finally review a poem of yours. I read you were hyped up on sugar when you wrote this; I’m surprised you didn’t throw in a pirate reference somewhere about spiders. Would’ve been awesome but totally weird.
So that’s why this format really works, because often it’s kind of useless and does nothing to support the idea. But here, it fits.
Anyway, I really like the format of the poem. It’s a little scatterbrained, which really works with the topic you have: spiders. Kind of reminds me of how my brain goes when I see one of those buggers crawling up the wall. I usually run or something and get my mom to kill it
I’m going to go through some things I noticed that didn’t exactly work. I always like to think, that in poetry, every word counts. That’s why repetition, unless intentional, takes away from the poem and takes away the importance of the words you use. Make sense? I’ll point some out:
I absolutely adore the description here. Very special and visual. It fulfills two of the senses, which is pretty awesome when trying to create imagery. Now, here’s what happens when you use it again:
Now if you say, “But Grace, that’s what I wanted!” I’d be like “Okay, okay, I understand.” xD But here, it weakens the first use of the phrase “silken thread.” It doesn’t feel as special anymore. That’s why synonyms are your best friend. You still have the same concept, but different wording. Like I said before, every word counts in poetry! (Well, that’s what I’ve learned, anyhow). So with that being said, I suggest you go through and figure out how to make the second use of “silken thread” its own phrase. Make it just as special. But that’s only a suggestion. If it was intentional, awesome! I know there are different types of poetry that reuse lines for reasons unknown to me, so please clarify if that is the case. Also, I’m not too fond of “upon your white walls.” It doesn’t exactly make sense. You can use “on your white walls” but that’s entirely up to you
thank you, GeometryMore repetition!
This line doesn’t just contain repetition, but I feel the description here is a little…dull. You have silken thread here (awesome visual, in which you will make special upon revision [if you want to, of course]) and then you say “white walls.” Uhh, okay, that’s a little bland, isn’t it? White is such an overused word. Synonym time! Egg shell could be one synonym. For, as Michael Scott from The Office once said, “Eggshell and white are the EXACT SAME COLOR.” So there ya go
I totally understand that there isn’t a mention of “white walls” again, but you still use the words again. And “white contrast” is basically just saying “white wall” again. Come on, Timmy! I know you can do better than this. (Gosh, I must sound horrible when I say that. I’m sorry if I sound rude with any of these nitpicks. Gahhh)
So I’m just pointing out what I think should be reworded here. The description with these words is nice, but I feel you can do better. We can all always do better with our pieces, right?
Are they really that loud? I honestly don’t think fly wings are going to necessarily echo. Unless that’s how spiders hear them? O_o I dunno, little confused with this line. Perhaps once you clarify
I love this line xD totally the truth 100% However, I think warmly contradicts shattering scream. I mean, if the spiders are greeted warmly, they wouldn’t be screamed at? Just a little thing there. But honestly, it’s got me laughing out loud
pfftt, I’ve never screamed when I’ve seen a spider, NOOI am going to say, the words in italics didn’t feel all too necessary. I’m not sure why, but it just felt like something extra that didn’t hold any true significance. Doesn’t mean you should take those phrases out! I’m sure others appreciate them
This indicates you were on a sugar hype xD I love it.
Very well done, Timothy ^.^ A good humorous poem that depicts a reality we all can relate to a little too well. I think you’ve mastered the poetry format, you’ve done well with your descriptions, and your word choice is superb! Though there are some things that could be tweaked, I absolutely enjoyed reading this poem. Your works are always so unique and definitely exhibit your talent! No wonder this got so popular so fast.
This line was such a great opener!
I hoped I helped at all? And didn’t ramble?
because I can so do thatMay your days be spider-free…
~Grace <3
GRACE GRACE GRACE
Thank you for this review. It really helped me out, and I have worked on everything you said. I think. All of your nitpicks were fixed up somewhat, so there's that. Thank youuu for helping me out with this.
Can't change the extra parts on the side because it took me an hour to find the right words that began with "c" and ended in "ing"*coughs* Um, yeah. That's probably the only reason. hee-hee
You helped me tremendously, and you didn't ramble. x)
When I wrote most of this, I was far out into the wilderness on my phone. I just added parts and edited it last night.
Thank you, Grace. <3
Oh I totally understand. Keep it then ^.^
Your revisions are amazing! You even threw in alliteration :O Amazing <3
You're very welcome hee hee. I owed you
Dat format tho.
And that is the result of too much sugar combined with late night writing.
Hi there!
So, I liked this poem/short story/whatever-you-want-to-call-it. It captures the feel of a spider in all their majestic creepiness. Personally, your poem is exactly how I see them -- mysterious little beings that don't follow any rules but their own. And for some reason, most of humanity finds them revolting... and your poem explains why.
I like how you were consistent with your adjectives and inserted them between the lines. For instance,
"creeping
watch where you step
crawling"
I really liked that. And you didn't have too many adjectives, except maybe in the first line. When you said,
"Hairy legs beat like soft drums against the hardwood..." it sounds like you were trying to fit in too many describing words right off the bat. (I tend to do that with my poems sometimes).
And at then end, I don't think the "omg" or those last few lines really belong. It throws off the mood of the poem so far.
Other than that, great job, keep writing!
~WritingforHim99
Thanks for the review! I have edited that.
Hey,
Great job! It reminds me a lot of my sisters pet tarantula I have yet to decide if that's a good thing or not... This poem however does a great job in my opinion at least of basically defining spiders.. In a odd way. I find the side comments in parentheses to add a air of subtle creepiness you don't normally find in a poem. As for the Omg section at the end. I feel like that could be left out. It doesn't really fit the theme of the poem therefor it creates a kind of awkward humor that I dont really feel belongs. Anyway great job! I look forward to reading more of your work in the future.
This poem is definitely... creepy. Yep that's the word. I do like it however
Sincerely,
Collideascope
You know, I think you're absolutely right. That part always did seem a bit off to me. I will take it out now. Thank you!
Your welcome! I'm glad to help!