Nameless paths lead through sinister forests,
Branches reaching down to pull trusting travelers
Into their icy, rasping embrace.
Harsh fingers etch lines across forgotten limbs
Blackness slithering around slimy foliage,
Leaving them
behind as powder to be blown away in the prevailing wind.
Don’t
venture in woods of night,
Unless you
want your soul shattered.
Light filtering
through the withered trees transforms.
White calm warps as sky conflicts with broken blossoms,
Roses twisting in agony and disbelief as gray light descends upon them.
But they continue to grow in the pungent air,
warped minds and
bodies spiraling up to dominate the spidery forest floor.
Don’t
venture in woods of night,
Unless you
want your soul shattered.
Tendrils of
spider webs hang from beckoning figures,
Wisps of white blackness surging forward like seawater,
melting through trees and time.
Seconds become hours. Days become years. Time seems to halt.
They beckon to the outsiders,
Those blinded by the façade of innocence in their hearts.
Blackened fingers
stretch out. Nails like a scalpel. Grip like a vise.
Don’t
venture in woods of night,
Unless you want your soul shattered.
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125,006 Literary Works • 672,813 Reviews
This would be kinda creepy if I hadn't been reminded of "Don't go out tonight,// It's bound to take your life,// There's a bad moon on the rise." The entire way through.
O.k. you might hate me for making this suggestion, but I think the repeated refrain would look really nice as a rhyming couplet. I don't like it as it is, the humour of the "Unless you want your soul shattered." doesn't suit the mood. Perhaps
"Don't go into the woods tonight,
Beware the claws that scratch, the jaws that bite."
(others call it copying, I call it a reference.)
And to make it super impressive, change it for the last one, for a deadly finale!
Well that's my thoughts.
Yours in reviewing,
The Fiend.
Hai Timmy!
I liked this a lot! Okay, now moving on to the things that needed a little work. There isn't many because this was so good, but just some things you put and don't really finish explaining.
It's about time I start to review some of the new stuff you started to post now :3 I think this was a great poem. I loved the haunting scary atmosphere you managed to build here with the vivid descriptions that seemed so dark. The conclusion reached at the end of the poem, that the forest is evil but still people venture into it out of innocent was perfect, because in the end I felt like all the visual images were pretty enticing on their own. The repetition in there was good, but I will speak about it a bit more later on ^.^
Another thing I really liked was how at the end you had three blunt, to the point sentences. It was awesome
<3 I love this line! Probably my favourite one in the whole poem. But... I still couldn't help wondering what it was relating to. I would've thought that the harsh fingers would be the branches of a tree, but what forgotten limbs would they be scratching at? I tried to look at it a different was as well, as if the forgotten limbs were the trees, but it left me wondering what would be scratching at them? Make sure all the lines make logical sense when interpreted into the meaning of the poem. So clarify, what would be the harsh fingers, and what would be the forgotten limbs?
I was surprised when I saw that this line ended there. You never told us what the light transformed into? Or was the light transforming something else? Maybe the filtered light transformed into dancing shadows that jumped from one tree to another. Or maybe the light transformed people's perception of things around them. Let us know! It's another open opportunity to work your poetry magicness into it ^.^
Can I have two favourite lines? Pretty, pretty please? I just love the idea of roses still growing in such a forlorn place, but that they're twisting in agony as they grow upwards. The idea of the spirals being them struggling and twisting through pain <3 Just lovely. In a dark way.
But... you also mention that they are twisting due to disbelief. Disbelief of what? That the light is gray, that they're starving for water and to feel the direct sun on their face? That they'll never reach freedom? I want to know what's causing them to feel this disbelief!
The first time I read this I was a little surprised at the bluntness of the second line. It didn't seem to flow as I think it should... and that was because I was expecting rhyme in there. Yeah, not so much for the poem as an entirety, but wouldn't it be awesome if the two lines that repeated rhymed? It would even add the feel of a very dark nursery rhyme in there. This is merely a suggestion, but I thought to put it out there seeing as my mind was thinking along those lines as I read.
Other than those few points, there really is no more to say. This was a brilliant poem, and I loved the imagery you put in here. I could tell most of the words were carefully chosen and put into the right stanzas. Keep up the great poetry like this
Deanie x
D: D:
I DID IT AGAIN.
Now I feel really rude. xD
This was another helpful review, Livvy. :') You've molded my poetry more than any other person, you know. ^^ And these reviewwws are what did it.
Hey!
So, poetry is kind of impossible to review, because it's up to the author to interpret. I can't say much, but I will say that I really enjoyed this poem. I loved your use of repetition and the way you painted the general terror of going into the "woods of night". The metaphors and similes were wonderfully placed and they quickly caught my attention. I liked the line, "Seconds become hours. Days become years. Time seems to halt." because when I get caught in a bad spot in my life, time does seem to stop and it feels like I'll be stuck there forever. I loved the rhythm and beats in the lines and your word usage was incredible. Great job with this work, I'll be looking for your work as time goes on.
Cheers,
E.
Uni here for an uper duper short review!
I loved this! It was so dramatic! Dramatic is my type of, well, anything... I am so over dramatic in my life, it is sort of hilarious... Keep up being dramatic!
I loved the main line's. They were beautiful. Don't even consider changing aanything about this poem.
Keep up the AMAZING BEAUTIFUL DESCRIPTIVE writing!
~Uni
This is a very good poem. I do not generally like poetry, but this was very gripping. The repetitiveness of the 'Unless you want our soul shattered.' line is great, as it hits the reader with the idea of death and fear. You are a fantastic poet, and I look forward to reading more of your work.