The air grows so cold in this time of year.
And the clouds shade over the light of the sun.
I feel snowflakes dropping from the sky,
Drifting down and settling on the bare dirt.
What was dark and brown before this time,
Is now white and sparkling.
What seemed old and cast down before,
Is now young and renewed.
And I believe that when winter comes,
It will change what happened before.
And if winter lies over what happens in fall,
Then it will follow me inside…
I will change like the ground,
And become clean like the snow.
My spirit will become like the frozen ground,
And will prepare for the coming of spring,
And the new day…
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139,585 Literary Works • 672,611 Reviews
Hai Timmy!
Instead of it being narrative it was more so describing a scene, a bit of the winter coming and falling on the ground, renewing the dirt with a pristine white. I could really see a double meaning here, of the bad being cleaned away by a fresh white of cleanliness. I like the idea of that, of it being deeper if you think about it, which I think makes me like the poem all the more. When it comes to this review, I will do it stanza by stanza as usual.
This was a pretty different poem to what you usually write
Loving that first line ^.^ I would make the end of it a comma though, and simply continue on the sentence in the next line. Another small suggestion would be to put a the before snowflakes, because as it is, it seems like only the persona can feel the snowflakes and its not something everyone gets to experience. Unless you mean it to be like that, showing that only this person is being renewed in white during this poem? Last line is brilliant as well
I liked the two lines before this one in the second stanza, and the little repetition you did here serves the poem well. What I didn't like so much was the double usage of the word 'before'. It could easily be cut from the end of this line if you put 'once' in there somewhere instead. Like: what once seemed old and cast down.
Hm, not sure how I feel about this line. Winter does bring change and if you're looking at the deeper meaning this makes sense, because it will be changing the darkness of the past for something lighter and new. But then if you look at the literal relation with winter, you mean changing from autumn? And 'what happened before' doesn't seem right when it comes to covering that. I actually don't have any suggestions, but do keep it to the subject of change, but maybe just in a different way than you have it phrased here.
What? This confused me... follow them inside to what? It needs more specifying so the reader can understand what you mean. Even looking at the fourth stanza after this one doesn't seem to clear up my understanding.
I love this ending stanza! It connects the two meanings perfectly. Again, the wonderful endings reign supreme. I think in this like you should mention solid or something, like 'my spirit will become solid like the frozen ground.' Adds in a nice simile and also it seems like they are sure of themselves, with complete faith.
Awesome poem Timmy. Keep it up
Deanie x
Hi, Weather here with a review!
I really enjoyed reading this and the connotations in reference to weather and emotions used. I haven't got much to fault in this piece therefore this will probably be a short review.
Hope I made more sense than nonsense.
Naturally, I'm drawn to weather based poetry
"The air grows so cold in this time of year.
And the clouds shade over the light of the sun.
I feel snowflakes dropping from the sky,
Drifting down and settling on the bare dirt."
I like the description of the air, "growing" as if it's building up tension.
In line two, this is extremely picky but I'd prefer it if the words were switched, e.g.
"And the clouds shade over the sun's light". - Just because it seems like the clouds are taking something belonging to the sun. Otherwise it's fine.
"What was dark and brown before this time,
Is now white and sparkling.
What seemed old and cast down before,
Is now young and renewed."
The first line, I'd just suggest a more dramatic description as oppose to "dark and brown" You could even develop the darkness element of what was there before. I loved the rest of the stanza.
Overall a great piece, I'd hope to see more of your weather based poetry (no pun intended)
--Weather
Thank you for your review! Much appreciated!
Sorry if it seems like I'm stalking you. Your poetry's just so amazing...
.
I don't know what to say that others haven't already said. Breathtaking imagery, the line breaks suit the theme, endless compliments on your word choice, love how you varied your sentence structure, appealing theme... I could gush about this all day
I think it's unfair to give such a short review on such an amazing poem, though. Don't mind me digging through the lines for a nitpick...
*searches frantically and gives up*
Sometimes I wish you'd stop being so superhuman. Or superwriter, I guess. So there is this one, minuscule, half-formed nitpick. You initially refer to winter as "that time of year" and then repeat the predicate "will" in the last stanza. So you contradicted yourself, but no one else has pointed this out, and I'm not even a poet, so I'm just going to shut up now.
Keep up the good work!
Thank you so much! I will edit that!
No problem!
So I didn't really read the review over all the way until now. I was on a phone before and only for a second... I wanted to say thank you... and about a thousand times! I love how you manage to encourage me to write, no matter if you are there to critique my work or to praise it! Thank you for being a stalwart reviewer for me!
Aw, I never knew my reviews touched anyone in this way
. But if it helps, they're completely honest.
Thanks for the encouraging reviews on Birds and Molten Gold, as well.
You mean Molten Silver, don't you? hee hee I am going to review that soon!
Timmy, you've done it again. Good job, I really liked this!
thanks!
I often write sad poetry, maybe I'll try happy!
Yessssss!! Try happy!
i really like how much detail you put in it. i like it a lot.
you thought it well out and seemed to know what you were doing when you went to go write this. Good going! 
appreciation from me lol. i only have one poem on my profile since i just made it today. your is great though 
thank you! I will review your poem... tomorrow!
Simply put: someone's got talent. Put it to music, boy.
awwww... thank you!
Hello Timmyjake!
This works really well, and I like it. Firstly I am initially glad it is not about depression or love. Secondly the message is clear, well thought out, and to the best of my knowledge original. Thirdly it twists in the last verse, and that's nice.
As a little criticism, I don't like so many exclamation marks. They sound unnatural where you have put them. Then again it might just be a personal thingHope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
thanks for your review! I will edit that.
Deadman here with a review for you! Beautiful, just beautiful! I love the poem, and it's quite an interesting topic. I mean mot people look at spring for rebirth, not winter. However, you've captured that same concept and changed it to winter. Very interesting indeed. I agree with the previous reviewer on the thought of a perfect image. You literally let me see it, not just tell me. plus you didn't outright tell me that it was snow and fall. I do have one tiny nitpick.
"And if winter clouds over what happens in fall,"
This could just possibly be me, but when you had "winter" and "clouds" right next to each other I first took it as literal clouds rather than obscure. Perhaps you could break that, or maybe even substitute a word? In my opinion it would flow better. It could just be me though. Like seriously though, it's a great poem. It created a beautiful image, and sparked some emotions with me. Until next time my friend, happy writing!
Cheers,
Deadman XD
Thank you! I will work on that!
Any better?
yup
Sophiewrites here for a hort review!
Well what is there to say? As usual your use of words and style is simply beautiful and creates quite a vivid picture in my mind! My favourite line in sense of imagery was:
,, I feel snowflakes dropping from the sky,
Drifting down and settling on the bare dirt.'' i can almost feel the snow!
Also I really love the message you bring across with this
,,I will change like the ground,
And become clean like the snow.
My spirit will become like the frozen ground,
And will prepare for the coming of spring,
And a new day… ''
Yes, yes yes! We change just like the seasons, fresh and ready to start over.
No nitpicks in grammar and spelling!
Keep up the good work ( especially the poetry)
Thanks for your review!