“Even if the world lies between us, we'll find each other.”
hold those words where minds forget and conviction fails.
(there's no place where I wouldn’t find you)
they used to say that your mind built me,
where a wall of imagination infused the paint and strokes on canvas—
except when alone, different fingers wove the loom,
the portrait by day pulled away into the shadows with the lies, creatures, dust, unspoken menaces.
“Though the
world lies against us, there's no place I won't find you.”
through the trailing thoughts and whispered plans—
(We did always grow plans as fast as weeds outside my window)
—we walked, the webs sticking to our lips, freeing our words from the bosoms we’d held them.
to wait, was what you said, to allow time to knit together what words could not.
but instead, we grew
apart.
“Though we
never speak again, there's no place where I won't find you.”
allow my last words to find a place on the wall of your heart,
even tucked away in a place of confinement.
you don't want these words to fly—in silence let them quiver, in silence,
let them sink into the ashes of yesterday.
(hide them in the corner where the artifacts meet the dark)
like jail-birds escaping their nest, may my words resurface,
floating on the waters of the past to meet the future.
meet me where the rivers complete their carving change to the untamed mountainside and
flow into the still pools.
I'll be waiting.
Author's note: I wrote this on my phone in ten minutes, so yeah. And it's been months since I wrote poetry. And the thoughts here are disjointed. Um. Rip 'er up.
Points:
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IP address:
Canary word: Present
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Original Text:
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140,238 Literary Works • 673,049 Reviews
Whoa, that was beautiful <3 I don't even have any critique for it.
Aw, thank you so much, Livvy. <3 That means so much to me. :')
*squishhugs*
Hello TimmyJake! Selina (Celtic Thunder's #1 fan =P) here to review some more of your work! I decided to put my review gloves on and get to work, I might not be much help because I'm not that great at correcting stuff and your stuff doesn't even need much correcting xD
Anyways, first off - I LOVE LOVE LOVE this poem! Inspired by Calvin and Hobbes? =P Imagination is a great thing, doesn't matter what age you are. Young or old, everyone needs a secret castle to escape to when things go wrong. Sadly, only few can keep the vivid imagination, they had as a child, through the MANY struggles in life. I love how you portrayed the person growing up and the imagination wanting him to come back into his imagination...is that what you were trying to do? =) That's what I got from it and I thought it was pretty cool *BIG THUMBS UP*
As for the mistakes - *rereads again* I cant find anything that doesn't flow or is out of place.... *DANCES AROUND* YAY!
Anyways, I have nothing else to say except - HOLD ONTO YOU IMAGINATION FOR AS LONG AS YOU POSSIBLE CAN. Because when it starts to slip away its not coming back =( I've known from experience.....sadly.
Alrighty! Talk to you later!
~Selina
Heyyyy, Selina. xD Number one fan, eh? xd
I wrote it with something else in mind, but I love how everyone has come to a different message with this. :3 It means I left something to the, erm, imagination. xd
Thank youuuu.
Yep and proud of it xD =P
What did you have in mind when you wrote it?
A person across the world was what I had in mind, who you're distanced from, but I wrote it late at night when I was only somewhat awake, so yeah. The message took it's own tangent. And I'm happy for it. :3
Oh, that's a cool idea too. I think its pretty cool how everyone got a different message from it <3
This is really beautiful.
one note:
I suggest you add a comma there. That was also pretty much my favorite line, the way I read it anyway. It's lovely, you have some great imagery in there and I like the overall message. Ten minutes, huh? Impressive. ^^
OH.
I see what you mean. Yeah, that does need a comma. *goes to fix it*
Thank youuu, Sky. <3
Hello , here is a review for you.
You don't want these words to fly-
This one, great. But after it:
-in silence let them quiver, in silence
You said in silence twice already. Firstly, you can use a different word than silence on the second time. Or, you can just simply say
-in silence let them quiver
Let them sink into the ashes of yesterday
Also this sentence:
Meet me where the rivers complete their carving change to the untamed mountainside and flow into the still pools
That sentence is too long; summarize it or add a comma somewhere in between.
The authors note was amazing, seriously, 10 minutes? Amazing!
This is really awesome! Keep up the awesome work. All I would say is, don't be to complicated. Simple and sweet makes perfect poems. Keep up the amazing work! Its wonderful, my head was spinning with thoughts after I read it.
Farwell, TimmyJake!
Do not lose this amazing piece of work, for one day it may be worth something.
Thanks for sharing this awesome poem with me.
Farwell again!
Curiosity227
Thank you for your very kind review!
Yes, I agree with what you said about that long sentence. It does need a touch of help. c:
Thanks, again! <3
Your welcome! And if there are people out in this world who don't like this, ignore them because this is a beautiful piece.
Farwell, TimmyJake!
Curiosity227
Hi! FireBird99 here for a review.
If not sorry haha, but if so, it came out really cool. Intriguing even. I've read it over three times now and I can't find a single place where it doesn't flow. Great job.
I have always enjoyed reading poetry but I've never been able to write it, so I may not be all that great in the grammar and positioning and the likes. Unfortunately....
On that note, I really enjoyed how it was mysterious. It was as if it was the imagination talking about how he was forgotten and wanted to be found. Is that what you were trying to do?
Sorry I couldn't have been more help, but like I said, poetry isn't my strong suit.
Good day, *dramatic bow*
FireBird99
Thank youu, Annie for all these wonderful reviews.
Poetry isn't my strong suit, either. >> Especially when reviewing. xd
Your welcome. They keep me busy haha. Did I just see that correctly? Poetry IS one of your strong suits. No doubt about it.
<3
Maybe if I wrote poetry more. >>
Now it's your turn. Write a poem. xD
We'll see. -___-
When you wrote at the end in your little author's note, which I loved, that this only took you ten minutes, I was super shocked, because this probably would have taken me like a few hours, no joke! This is actually literature, and poetic literature at that. It's got the rhyme scheme that I look for in great literary poems, has the anaphora I've been yearning for and searching for so much in the past few weeks, and is overall just a really solid poem. Keep going writer! You are a really really really talented young artist.
Thank you <3