A new clock sits on a ledge overlooking a gray world,
Golden wood curving around in elaborate designs,
Where its new face was carved for others to see.
A face where we will look to tell more than the time of day.
And always steady is the tick of the clock.
The clock sits on a shelf overlooking its small world,
Telling the time to all those who will stop to see and listen.
As time ticks by, the clock grows into something more.
Its hands extend farther than before,
Its unceasing tick becoming louder,
And more people stop to listen to its constant melody.
Always changing is the tick of the clock.
An abused clock is found lying in a decaying dump,
Dirt and despair coating its once happy face.
Its hands that stood so straight and true
Are now bent and distorted in pain and despair.
Pointing out in unknown directions that only it remembers.
Yet always steady is the tick of the clock.
Dust settles on an old worn clock,
Graying the chipped finish on its oaken surface.
Long and short hand still move in harmony around the face,
Yet they move slower than time used to tell,
Not forever steady is the tick of the clock.
The aged clock has stopped moving,
Its hands coming to rest at half past twelve.
Sad words are spoken for the sake of the dear old clock,
And gentle hands take it from its ledge and place it inside a box.
But where it lies now are in the memories of those who heard it.
Now all is silent without the tick of the clock.
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Canary word: Present
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125,029 Literary Works • 672,786 Reviews
Heya Timmy!
I decided it was time I reviewed something of yours, and this was the latest poem... which means you need to post more! Anyways, to the poem.
I liked the idea with representing the human as a clock and it's heart being the ticking. I would've gotten that I think with or without your additional explanation, which is a good thing. What I would've wanted to see here was a bit more variation of language than clock. It got a bit too repetitive for me, at the end of the stanza I could understand. But at the beginning? Sometimes you could use words like the timeless face stopped moving, or some other way of describing it which we haven't heard before, making the poem more creative. Okay, stanza by stanza, what shall I pick out?
I absolutely loved the first stanza! Where you showed it's newfound beauty in such a dark and dreary world... there was only one line that was just outside of the rhythm you've got going here:
It's too long. Where all eyes turn to for the time of day? Or something shorter, more befitting.
See, now here is where we could already be using that extra creativity. So no clock here, but a time filled eye because it's looking or something? I don't know really ><
You used time in the line above. How about gradually or something else?
Some of these last lines just bother me because they don't make much sense! It needs to be worded better. So maybe: The tick of the clock is always changing. I know, I know it ruins the title. But as for the poem I think this would flow a whole lot better.
Let's not use clock for abused as well. Because it's been so lonely and rejected and hurt it's just a shell of what it's been right? So a wooden shell or something could fit... Apart from that I really liked everything about that stanza. Even the last line. It demonstrated hopelessness really well!
Again, great stanza except for the last line:
Maybe: and so, unsteadily is the tick of the clock. If you want to stick to that title and all.
No, no not clock! The aged body, the aged being, the aged machine...
Beautiful ending on how things aren't the same and yet will always be remembered just because that little clock died. Or it shows how when one person dies it does affect an awful lot of people too. Either way, brilliant job and I'm looking forwards to another poem soon!
Deanie x
Thank you for the amazing review... I luvs them.
I will work on that. 
Hello Timmyjake!
First of this reminds me alot of the poem you wrote about the stick and the stone, the way you show different stages of time with different stanzas. So far this is good in that respect, yet I feel it lacks something that the stick and the stone had. And that is a twist. In you other poem you write "The stick is a stick, the stone is a stone" (sorry is I mis quote, it is months since I read it) but I was expecting the ending of this since the first verse. Another thing you could do is rhyme the last two lines of the poem
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Thanks for the review! I will work on that...
its a brilliant piece. i believe that we are time and with its ticking away, so are we...you have used simple words in a beautiful flow just like the tick-tock...
"An abused clock is found lying in a decaying dump,
Dirt and despair coating its once happy face."
"Dust settles on an old worn clock,
Graying the chipped finish on its oaken surface"
i love how you have described the mask on the face...
you observe things around you really well, it makes you a thinker of high sorts...you have traced this piece from the most disregarded scenes of life and that is pure genius. its not very easy to find the light inside, but, i am sure you will always do it , alright.
great work, hope to read more.!
i hope to read more of your work..
Thanks for your amazing review!!
Honestly, I am in love with the personification and imagery of this poem.
The ticking of a clock in place of a beating heart? Genius. The extension of the clock hands to represent growth? Amazing.
You took us readers through the various stages and situations of life with the new(born) clock, an abused clock (the part about the crooked hands really spoke to me), the old "worn" clock, and the clock that no longer told time.
It is always important to be reminded of our mortality, and for us to appreciate it. Thank you for this - I always seem to need a wake up call.
(Un)fortunately, I don't have any constructive criticism for this piece. It is perfect the way it is.
Keep on keeping on. x
Thanks for your amazing review!!
You're welcome, lovely!