I'm going to sing you a classical song;
But don't worry, this wont' take too long.
Dee dee dah dum, da daa, da doo
Badum dee dee dum dee do daa daa Baboo.
See? That wasn't so bad, now sing along with them.
Now I'll hum you a jazz piece with bluesy rhythm.
Doo wat dow, da dit dit dooooo SMASH. (oops)
Watta wum pow pow dum dum CRASH. (woop!)
I can do something a little more modern,
Like a wannabe rock band (a cause for concern).
Blam blam POW CRASH CRASH SCREEEEEEE--
Hey hey Bow now drown drown SCREAAM.
I could show you rap, but it's not really a tune;
Just words and a beat, an explicit festoon.
Ch-ch (beep beep beep beep) Woo,
(Beep) d- (Beep) d- (Beeep) Ch-choo.
Whistle whistle, hmm...oh, you're still there?
I'm impressed that you stayed, that's pretty rare.
I normally don't find people who like my work,
When I do this out loud it drives people berserk!
Thanks for reading! Just something random.
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125,005 Literary Works • 672,805 Reviews
Definitely a unique piece. I thoroughly enjoyed it, especially when you broke the wall between the reader and the piece, i rarely see that done well. Well done!
Hello Sassykat,
My first point is about the quoted part in stanza three. I think you should have either capitalized the whole of this part or just not capitalized any of the text I previously quoted. To me it just doesn't look right with part of it capitalized and part of it not, maybe it's just me but I think it would look better if it was all in capitals. Another alternative would be to italicize it, but I still think that putting it all in capitals would probably be more effective.I found this poem really quite amusing and very creative. I love the use of onomatopoeia that you involved in this poem. It was very effective and made the poem so much more than it would have been without it. I compliment you on this poem for it is really quite unusual and it was very humorous and unique and certainly not the kind of thing that you would read every day. However I do have a couple of things that I would like to point out that I personally think would help improve your poem quite significantly.
In a way I kind of agree with Veritas, this was very entertaining and it certainly made me laugh but that was really kind of where it stopped and started. It was basically just an entertaining poem and nothing really more. I think you could have taken this a bit further rather than just describing different types of music and ending it. In the fourth stanza when you described rap you started to go into bit more depth describing how it made you feel but then you stopped which was a bit disappointing but at least you did touch on it.
Apart from those two things I thought this was really quite an excellent poem that had a very good flow and beat. The next step for this would be to make it longer and include even more musical genres so that the poem is a bit longer and more complete. My favorite part was definitely the last stanza because it ended the poem perfectly and you just wrote it excellently.
Overall this was a really good poem and I fully enjoyed reading it. I loved how you took such a simple topic and made it really interesting and funny. I loved how you constructed this and how you put a lot of thought into each different genre of music and I also liked how you summed the whole poem up really well at the end. If you would like any more works of yours reviewed than feel free to PM me and I would be happy too, your works are a pleasure to read!
From DreamingForever
LOL! I love it! It's funny and I like the two last stanzas the best, when you making fun of rap and then I like the line that says, "Whistle whistle, hmm...oh, you're still there?" Like they're actually there and you're having a conversation with them. I feel like you're speaking to me. I like how it's casual. I think you could cut the humming of the classical piece a little bit, since it's really hard to write a rythm. Impossible, actually, unless it an easy rythm like do.... do.... do..... Really great piece, though.
I agree, it should be performed.
This would be a really awesome piece of SLAM poetry. you just need to perform it with the right swagger and confidence. This had a really fresh idea and I loved it. It was very cute, considering you're only 14. Great job on this one! This is a poem that needs to be PERFORMED. I hope you do it one day.
and if you don't know what slam poetry is here's an example http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8cQIPWxrjJI&feature=related
Well...that was interesting
It was creative to be sure, but I probably wouldn't turn it in for an assignment or put it in a magazine. However, if it was only written to be entertaining then it has served it purpose.
Well, I was entertained, but it doesn't get much further than entertainment. Glad you wrote it though, it made me smile
Veritas