Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for language and mature content.
this is a continuation of my most recent work, "Yet I Do Not Fight"
We know it's not long before
I'm your fuck buddy
Stringing me along
I swallow, swallow, swallow
Your sticky toxin
Sicker and sicker
I'm ready to walk away
But then I'd hurt you
Forever a girl
longing for a love more real
Than an orgasm
Yet I do not fight
For what I know I deserve
Which is more than you
You dragged me to darkness
I keep myself prisoner
Chained to your bedside
Labeled and shattered
I am more than my pussy
At least I think so
You make me forget
That I am flesh not plastic
Engorged with your lust
I quiver at your touch
Hate myself as you fill me
Yet I do not fight
What kind of puppet
Fights the script written for her
By someone stronger?
What kind of plaything
Fiddles with her masters hand?
One that wants broken
I have no feelings and
A battle demands passion
So I do not fight
Will I ever fight?
To fight means to be strong
To stand and resist
To fight means to want
I do not know what I want
And so I cannot fight
I'm told I should leave you
To push back now and again
Yet I do not fight
Forever your doll
Always your perverse puppet
Who will never fight
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126,895 Literary Works • 672,943 Reviews
Wow. This is such a visceral poem, it doesn't sugarcoat anything and really gives you a sense of what is happening in this relationship. It was tough to read, but I applaud you for being able to write something so raw.
My only criticism is that, at times, your haikus do not have the correct 5-7-5 format, which sometimes messes with the flow. This can easily be tweaked, however, and otherwise I think this is a very good poem.
Thank you so much for writing!
Hello, there!
Rachel here to review.
This is a very harsh poem-not necessary grammatically, rather, it is a harsh subject. Some of the words chosen made me cringe. Perhaps, however, that's what you were going for with this dark piece.
Sexual abuse/situations like this one are hard to write about while keeping things classy/non-crude. I think for the most part, you pulled this off pretty well. A couple of choice words like "swallow," and "orgasm," and "pussy," were a little too crude for my liking, but: to each his own. That's just me.
I especially love this stanza here:
I think this is hauntingly beautiful. It really caught my attention.
Also, good job and creating a haiku with such length! You made your words flow effortlessly. I didn't even realize it was a haiku until my second look at it. Great job!
Keep writing
-Rae
Wow. Powerful.
I feel a lot of passion in this poem, especially in the parts that are supposedly "helpless", like;
"To fight means to want
I do not know what I want
And so I cannot fight"
I can relate to that, 100%.
Question; I don't really get this part:
"What kind of plaything
Fiddles with her masters hand?
-One that wants broken-"
What does the last line mean? I'm a bit confused..
Well, to me, this was beautifully written, strong, and striking. Well done.