I stand at auction
They are selling my spirit
Yet I do not fight
Always just a slave
To the desires of my ‘friend’
Who needs only ask
Forever a shell
That’s been sold at the seashore
Empty and mindless
My emotions gone
I have not felt since childhood
Joy or pain or need
I can only hurt
And heal without a conscience
The wounds I inflict
I’ve begun to think
I might just be a bit sick
Of being so lost
I know what I am
I just don’t know where I stand
What I am to you
Forever a doll
Friend, lover, play therapist
Or just a brunette
Willing pair of lips
Tainted by a hot, hard truth
You forced upon me
Yet I do not fight
I am the only one here
Nothing to fight for
If I left you now
I might break my porcelain heart
And we can’t have that
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
A shell of ones former self taken advantage of his/her friend or lover. It sickens me how people could do such a thing to a human being. Friendship and love are a two way streak. There always has to be a form of synergy in the relationship, not some sort of toxic mess that fills the veins with poison and dread.
Keep up the good work and hope you become a famous author in the future.
Hey there! Nice poem, I enjoyed it, however I would suggest that you try using more fluent sentences,to make the poem a bit more understandable,and also use punctuation,such as full stops,commas,and exclamation marks to make your work more affective,and if you also throw in a few question in the poem,it would engage the reader even more,and make the poem much more interesting. Good work,keep on writing. I thank you for sharing!
I really loved this poem! There aren’t very many poems out there that I really connect to, but this is one of them. It flows really well without having to rhyme, which quite a feat. Usually I enjoy those kinds of poems over non-rhyming ones, but this one was different. I enjoyed the imagery you used to convey the message, especially in the beginning when you were talking about the auction. I could imagine myself in that situation, and I have had those exact same feelings before. The end really wrapped up the poem nicely. Keep writing!!!
(Oops! My first one messed up..sorry!)
My most favorite part was:
"My emotions gone
I have not felt since childhood
Joy or pain or need
I can only hurt
And heal without a conscience
The wounds I inflict
I’ve begun to think
I might just be a bit sick
Of being so lost
I know what I am
I just don’t know where I stand
What I am to you
Forever a doll"
I think you did a great job doing the haiku, and thinking out the words.
The way that the words flow together is remarkably beautiful.
I absolutely love it.
I can see that you've come down a long road, and you've put a lot of effort into your work.
You're surprisingly amazing at writing.
I love how to delicacy of the haiku is also an heartbreaking story.
That is truly great.
I really look forward to reading more of your work.
Good work, and good luck, as well!
I really like your haiku. You had the right pattern and everything XD You even managed to make the poem have feeling which is hard to do with any type of poem especially haiku's which really do have a weird format.
The one thing I have to offer is the spacing. After each five seven five there should be a paragraph to mark the end of the stanza. It makes it easier to read.
Otherwise it's amazing. You out a lot of thought and emotions into it :3
I'm glad I read it