Every time our eyes meet,
The first note sounds
Sudden, clear, and sweet,
It's vibrato's rich tone abounds.
His smile strikes the second note
And a melody takes place.
The keynote sounds again
As his fingers touch my face.
A counterpoint begins to flourish,
As he speaks the first of many
Words that I will come to cherish
I know that I shan't forget any.
Harmony makes it's presence known
As I give my own conclusion
To the antecedent blown
Across my face in soothing canon.
A jazzy chord just written in
As he pokes his quirky humor,
His logic making my mind spin,
And I laugh and end up on the floor.
Grace notes plink and a trill plays
As jabs once more and laughs along.
"I love you more than I can say,"
His voice is quiet, low and strong.
The simple tune expands, grows,
A symphonic scherzo sounds through me
A little random, but it flows
Smoothly, quickly, totally free.
With lurking melodies, blending harmonies
Accelerando, faster, faster!
A dance, a ballad of strangest beauty
It's overpowering, becoming my master.
The thrill of it runs through my veins
Playing me as I forfeit control
Conducting the conductor, taking the reins
The mood is changing, beginning to roll
Back to calmer waters, smoothing out.
It's slower, simpler, quieter, soft
The song of love is, without a doubt,
My favorite, and I listen oft.
I know it's a little forced at times, but wrote it on the spot! Sudden inspiration is funny that way.
And the space between the ninth and tenth stanza (the one where there's no period after "roll") is supposed to be there. It's a continuing sentence even though it's different stanzas.
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Oh wow, this is beautiful!!! I LOVE that you use music to compare to love. You've done a wonderful job, and as I am a musician and love music, and love...love, this is really, well, connecting to me.
OK: done babbling. I just liked this so much, I got carried away, plus I'm tired...*ahem.*
I think you should put this into stanzas, it'll make it MUCH easier to read, and when you first look at it, the long paragraph appears really unwelcoming. There were a few areas I felt 'iffy' about while reading it, but they obviously weren't significant enough for me to remember them! Anyway, you get a *like* and I just really really feel refreshed reading this love poem.
PS: I don't think this is at all cliche' ! You've done a great job at making it ORIGINAL. Or at least I think so...
This is extremely good! All I can say is make a couple stanzas, space it out a bit because the lines are clumped together. I really like this!
This is such a beautiful song/ lyrical poetry. I think many people could relate to this, I did. I think it's amazing how you wrote this on the spot based on sudden influence/ inspiration! So beautiful, keep going!