You are an anacrusis
A vision, a small piece, of what will be
A brilliant concerto
You are a counterpoint
Spinning tapestries with my own line
Of sweet melodies and harmonies
You are a pedal tone
A steady support system, deep and rich,
Warbling and warm and strong
You are a deceptive cadence
Suddenly the darkest tones seep through cracks
In my imperfect authenticity
You are a non-chord tone
I don't know what you are from from where you came
If you'll pass or emphasize the dissonance
you're neopolitan
Three timbres of the same person in one
Three flavors of mocking me.
You're a pichardy third
Triumphantly walking away from me
After all the sadness you brought
You are the Primo,
My equal other half who insists on looking down on me
Even after the song is over.
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140,533 Literary Works • 673,403 Reviews
This poem is so beautiful! I loved all the sound in it. This piece is a symphony of words and emotion and actual music. I just have a few words of constructive advice:
Keep writing!
"You are a non-chord tone"
This line just doesn't quite sit right with me. The flow is slightly off from the rest of your opening lines and the meter isn't exactly articulated like them either. I'd consider playing around with the syntax of this line, and maybe the word choice too. Find a term that means non-chord tone maybe.
"...from from where you came"
I think one of those "from's" is supposed to be an "or?"
"you're neopolitan"
You just forgot to capitalize "you're."
"My equal other half"
This feels a little cliche to me. I might just be over picky right now, but I read it and it just wasn't as strong as the rest of the piece. Your choice though!
I also think this piece might do well with some smart punctuation. There's hardly any, and while I'm a big fan of using line and stanza breaks in lieu of punctuation, I think some would be good here especially since punctuation does in literature what musical symbols do in music. Your call, but it could make the piece much clearer and impactful.
All in all, fantastic job with this. Just polish it up a little and it'll be perfect
~Jess
Wow! My soul is singing! I adore this, really! (Sorry, the music nerd in me is showing.)
The way you open this poem sets the tone in such a flawless way, exploiting how your feelings for this person are going to grow into something more than an anacrusis. The way I picture it is that he/she begins as a tiny, but noticeable, note that catches your attention, but soon evolves into something much larger and prominent.
It's amazing how you've used various musical elements to describe him/her. The second verse provides so much imagery. It's fabulous!
It's easy to sense how stable and strong he/she seems at first but how your opinion changed after certain incidents - I love the metaphor "deceptive cadence" and the way you wonder if he/she will "emphasize the dissonance". You've used controversial/ unenjoyable parts of music and the descriptions reflect this person's personality so well! I get it completely.
And the ending. Really, wow. Such an image you've set… I can't even describe how lovely this image is. I just picture you as the Secondo, equally as important but feeling… misrepresented? Misunderstood?
"Even after the song is over". What a way to end this poem on a final but lingering note; kudos.
The only thing I would suggest at this point is changing the, "you're Neapolitan" and, "You're a picardy third" to, "You are Neapolitan" and, "You are a picardy third", simply because you've started the previous verses in a similar fashion and it was noticeable to me that these two verse starters were different. But hey, it's just a suggestion!
Anyway, I reiterate: wow!
This speaks me to me the way music speaks to me. It was rich and enjoyable. I had to read it a second time. Similar to the way I might listen to a song I've heard for the first time and have loved it so much I had to rewind it. Well done!
-Briggsy
P.S. The title! Does that imply that this is the number one thing on your mind, or that there are more poems to come? Maybe it's something completely different… either way, I wish you the best with your future writing endeavours!