Blink Once.
.
Attempt to focus yet fail,
Control the yawn to no avail.
Proceed to rub my eyes,
Wipe away the sleep in disguise.
.
Move with the gentle sway of motion,
One so easy like that of the ocean.
The dimming of the lights enable,
My mind to mingle with the fables.
.
Blink Once.
.
Blinded by the blue hues of sea and sky,
Faced by the man my soul yearns to unify
A tentative step forward, sinking into sand,
Longing for kisses not simple holding of hands.
.
I am yours and you are mine
As we spiral to our demise.
A warm breeze puts us at ease
As our hearts, in tandem, beat.
.
Blink Once.
.
Bent over the paper, pencil broken,
A tell tale spot of a crimson stain.
Collateral damage left by love and art
A reminder that pleasure brings pain.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,784 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Hello! SilloriaD here with another crap-tastic poetry review- that's, of course, to say my reviewing sucks, not your writing skills.
So, I'll agree with the previous reviewer- the diction in this is stunning. You have a clear gift when it comes to your word choice. I like the variety of rhymes, as longer poems can often suffer from repeated rhyming. I feel like the extra lines with a single period are unnecessary to be completely honest. I feel like they break everything up a little too much, y'know? Without them, the flow would be much better. Leaving a blank line between stanzas would be better, in my opinion.
I loved the ocean imagery. It really painted a beautiful picture in my mind, and I'll definitely revisit this piece in the near future because of this (and by revisit I mean screenshot because I'm afraid of losing the link).
Keep writing!
-SilloriaD
Thank you so much for the review! The period u mean the . between the stanzas? i only use that because I don't know how to actually use spacing due to the format! If you have any idea how please enlighten me!
I absolutely adore this poem. The diction used for this piece was fantastic and the flow of the poem was perfect. The poem was creative and different from the usual you see on this website. The change of setting as you blink was interesting to me also. I enjoyed the use of blinking to transition; that was intelligent and shows a great writing imagination. Your imagery was spot on also. I highly enjoyed your poem and hope you continue to write masterpieces like this.
Thank you so much. I am glad you enjoyed it!