My words are impeccable but my handwriting is illegible,
Your calligraphy is spotless but your knowledge is negligible.
I am no one as I have a face which is plain and forgettable,
You are famous as you have fake beauty which is unbearable.
.
I am poor yet happy,
You are rich yet greedy.
I live with continuous feeling,
You live continuously weeping.
.
I am lone and yet
you are well known.
.
I am life,
You are death.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
140,613 Literary Works • 673,553 Reviews
Heya, Radiant Shadow! Casanova here to do a review for you!
It looks like when I was going through your portfolio, I might have missed one or two, so I'm here to correct that!
Anyway, I'll be taking this piece by piece.
Here you're just giving us strict I and You statements, and we're supposed to feel something. But I'm not getting anything out of it, and I think you could do better. I think you should play around with images, describing how you want us to feel through images that relate to it, but don't exactly point out what it is. Like metaphors, if you will.
The other thing about this is the rhyme. It's extremely apparent, and I think you could reword these to make it feel better and where you don't have as much rhyme, maybe no rhyme at all.
I really like the first two lines here, because they're true and show your perspective on life. So props for that. I could have done without the second two lines, though, because they're really not adding anything new to the poem.
I really like the last two lines here, but feel like the first two aren't as prominent. I would say cut them. Another thing is you drop off the rhyme, and I like that you eventually cut the rhyme out.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope I helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
You just spoke to me on a different level. This is lovely!
Hi RadiantShadow, acm here for a review!
I keep liking each of your poems more than the last! The first two lines were very powerful. They draw the reader into the poem and make them want to read more. The comparisons were also really good, and I saw how it all tied back to the life/death theme. I actually felt like this was about a funeral-- the person was better known after they were dead, and they had makeup and nice clothes for while they were in the coffin. The calligraphy was on the headstone, whereas heartfelt words from the narrator were written in their own handwriting. That was just my take on the meaning.
My only suggestion is to maybe separate the poem into couplets. Each line is a comparison to the one under or above it, so I think it would be better to group it like that instead of sometimes putting four lines together and other times putting two. It makes the poem seem more organized and easier to read.
That's all I have for the review. I really liked this poem and thought it was one of your best.
Keep writing,
acm
Thank you for reviewing! I will split up my poem into couplets thank you for telling me!
Hey, there, RadiantShadow!!
)
Writer1204 here for a small review!!
This was really good. Your contrast on life and death was magnificent and I see you have a way of handling poetry with extreme beauty that not many people possess. It was easy to read and the words flew out of my mouth nicely--effortlessly. I was really left thinking, and your skills are definitely great.
Really good job and I hope to see much more of you here! (Even though you DO have a ton of works... Haha
Hope you have a nice day/night!!
Sincerely, Writer1204!
haha thanks so much for the review I appreciate it immensely
and ill be sure to make more!
What attracted me at first was the title, but what convinced me to take the time and write this review was the sheer quality this poem is dripping with.
We live in a world where celebrities are seen as god-like creatures and each and every average Joe aspires to reach that status. We live in an age where the ever-present internet is a powerful tool that helps many join the ranks of celebrities. Youtubers, bloggers, instagramers - some of them reach unimaginable heights, while others, more talented, succumb in the shadows. I felt like the first stanza described this idea in an elegant, yet truthful way.
"My words are impeccable but my handwriting is illegible, / Your calligraphy is spotless but your knowledge is negligible" - these lines were powerful in pointing out that more often than not, beauty is appreciated over substance. If the package is pretty, it hardly matters if what's inside is valuable.
The next stanza underlines how being famous is not always what it's cracked up to be, and the one after that comes across as ironic to me: how can the expression "well known" rhyme with "lone"? Is this some sort of mean, witty joke, created by those who invented the language? We'll never know, yet you brought these words together and the result is a powerful one.
The length of the lines give this poem a dramatic, cinematic feeling. The lines composing the first stanza are long and detailed and this aspect decreases as the poem progresses. It felt like a person pouring out their frustrations; they start in a rapid way, but gradually calm down, until they reach the final, dark conclusion: "I am life, / You are death." Incidentally, I think this should be the title of the poem: "You are death". I find it simpler, more polished than "The constant hypocrisy: life and death".
It was a great read. Kudos!
WOW! that was just so....AWESOME! good job bud!
Thank you so much!