I felt the warmth of your touch The soft pressure on my shoulder With A breathtaking sense of pride I remember you once were a soldier. You did not get to fight So no medals were given As your bravery was not seen if only they knew of your heroism. How amazing, They said it was to see you drive With only one leg Always so joyful and energetic Not just sitting on a bed However, I saw you at your worst Laying, on a bed with no legs Not once did I see you cry Always happy pulling at the quilt's threads. You might be gone but your memory will never be forgotten
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139,784 Literary Works • 672,766 Reviews
Heya, RadiantShadow! Casanova here with another review! I'll be taking this one piece by piece.
The first line is okay, but the second one doesn't really make much sense. It doesn't really have anything to go off of. I mean, the,"Warmth of your touch," could be an indication, but if it is it's very vague and I felt like you could do a bit better than you're doing in this line. The last two lines I felt were really good, and I like the soldier part, but that's because I'm a fan of the military.
I felt like the,"no medals were given," and the,"If they only knew of your heroism," lines were for rhyme. Yould could reformat the given line and make it better, and drop off the last line and it wouldn't do any damage to the rest of the poem.
You're starting the shopping list of effects here, and that's never a good thing. Play around with imagery, it will benefit you. Also, why would they say it was only to see him drive? This raises questions that I would really like answered.
The last one I have no complaints with, as it's really emotional and I like it a lot. I would say keep that up, and draw the best you can from every line.
Anyway, that's all I have for this one. Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on. I hope this helped, even a bit.
Your friend, Casanova
I too lost a grandfather and this is lovely.
Silly spelling error with "where" on line 6. I don't understand the need for the spacing between "How amazing," and the next line either. I would also use a little more punctuation, as there's not much indication of where to pause and what not.
Apart from this, I do like the poem. Keep writing!
I really like the poem. I can paint a real picture about the kind of person your grandpa was.
Thank you
Really awesome, senorita.
Hey, Radi.
This is one amazing poem. Or maybe, more precisely, your grandpa was an amazing person. Unfortunately, I never got to meet my grandpa ,so I really don't know how it feels to be around someone. But I think it's a great feeling.
As for the poem, I found nothing negative about it except for the two words mis-typed.
Your poem shows how cool and amazing your grandpa was. That's a really great topic to write about. However, I felt to read more about you and your grandpa's times together, how you now miss him, how much you wish he were here with you today since the title says "Wish you were here". But I think, your poem is just good the way it is. Senorita, it's your wish and only yours how you will write your poems..
That's all from me. Have a Happy New Year!
Thank you very very much Taha
I'm Happy New Year!
I'm sorry about you not meeting your grandpa. I understand how you feel as I also never met my other grandparents.
Nah, it's alright.
He died when my dad was about 6 years old..
Hy RadiantShadow,
I wanted to let you know, that this one is truly amazing. The love for your grandfather you bear, is one in a million. It's really hard to find someone so attached to their grand parents in today's time.
I want to ask one thing,
"I remember you once (where) a soldier."
Here, did u mean 'were?'
Frankly speaking, 'where' didn't make any sense.
But I loved it. When you know about your loved ones, so why to bother about the world. He was your hero and no matter what, he'll remain to be. Rest the way you have presented it, is too good.
Thanks for writing.
And wish you a very happy new year.
Thank you so much! yes it was meant to be were thanks for pointing it out haha!