Cry little wolf cry, beg, weep,
Let their pity bite and seep
Into your corrupted veins and hideous mind,
Where your young soul can never find.
~
I am nothing but a pitied creature,
All use me for their sorrowful future,
Fake friends all pass me by
So fast like a hellish lullaby.
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Hi there, Mem here for a review
Im just gonna jump right in.
Rhyme scheme:
I think you could maybe tweak it better because as is you're rhyming reads as choppy and forced and that's never a good thing to have done. I also dont know where the wolf and yourself connect on this in the next stanza and it leaves much to be desired..
One more thing before I go is the length. As i said above the connection between you and wolf leaves much to be desired. so maybe elongate it. As for your rhyme scheme I suggest trying to make it more free verse, you can make it longer and you can make it less choppy to read.
Hope this helps and Keep writing
~Mem
Woah... Love u get better ever time 0.0
Kudos! ^^
Hey Tiptoe here for a review ^^
I l o v e d the way you structured and wrote this! Not only is there a strong metaphor portrayed, but you used a solid rhyming scheme and poem structure to keep me interested as a reader. Whilst it was short, you were still able to convey a lot in this poem making me like it more. The points at which the poem was strongest were the beginning two lines of each stanza. The k and t sounds make the poem vocally hushed as if the narrator is scurrying or tip toeing which helps to portray the young character you seem to present.
The transition from 2nd person into 1st person seems to be a point at which the narrator in question switches. My interpretation is that you want to convey both the views of the outsiders as well as the wolf. It comes across as an effective use of persons as it makes many theories come to play within my mind.
Another observation I made was that this would be a cool little song thus fitting the title of hellish lullaby. Gah I just love everything about this poem!
Overall a beautiful piece and I will want to read more from you next time!
Thank you so much
so happy that to hear that people like it! Your interpretation was interesting as well however the wolf in itself is a symbolism for the young child who in the eyes of others is a bad person.
This is so nice!! I love the rhyming scheme of the poem, it flows so easily just like a lullaby. It reminds me of a poem I did in my literature class (Golden Slumbers by Thomas Dekker, if you're wondering
) It had the same dark tone to it. It's almost hypnotic.
I love how the tone in the start can be taken to be both gentle and cruel. 'Cry little wolf cry, beg, weep'. To me it seems like the chanting thoughts of a person. We are very harsh to ourselves sometimes, this fact is perfectly potrayed by the harsh almost accusing/gentle tone of the first stanza. Which turns to self-doubt and bitterness by the end.
Although the self-doubt and pity is obvious because of 'pitied creature' , but you can see it's not all self-doubt. The ' sorrowful future' has a bitterness and anger attached to it, it shows how others are to blame for this 'pitied creature' mostly.
The poem itself is very beautiful and I enjoyed reading it a lot! I hope to read more of your works.
thank you so much for reviewing! I loved how you interpreted it