Time goes by ever so slowly
As I wait for your reply
you never said goodbye
So here I am, waiting. Cold and lonley
Seconds, minutes, days pass yet
Here I am, waiting. Cold and lonely.
Why is it that hope is still set,
Engraved in my heart solely?
Finally, an answer - one so vague
My response is one of rage
that infects me like a plague
Don't you realize you trapped my soul in a cage?
Here I remain with my heart and soul aflame
When will he notice my pain?
Logic says never and that he is not to blame
Because I never speak, I am the one who enjoys this game.
~RadiantShadow
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Heya, RadiantShadow! Casanova here with another review!
The first thing I'd like to say is this poem is a bit of a step up from the previous poem I just read, and I enjoy that. Anyway, on to the review!
The first thing I noticed was that there is a choppy rhyme scheme that I felt you could do without. It's really seeming to hold you back, and I feel like if you wasn't trying for the rhyme you could really do a lot more with this poem. But that's just my opinion on it. On to the next thing.
The overall flow in this poem was pretty on point, so I'll give props for that one. To the next thing.
I feel like these lines could be deleted and you wouldn't lose anything from the poem at all. These lines hold no significance for me that the rest of the poem hasn't covoured, and it might even be better without these lines added in on it.
Although these lines are clearly just for the rhyme scheme, I felt like these were some of the best lines throughout the poem, and you could really do a lot more with them if you din't have the rhyme. They're so honest and true, I can feel the emotion from them.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one. I hope this helped, even a little bit, and I'm on to the next one.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
Hello radiant!
*hugs*
Its been quite a while since u updated...and I'm really glad u did it! After all this work is just so awesome
Yep it is bitter sweet and all that ...but ahem, I just find it beautiful!
Personally there isn't much to comment here since this piece of your work is just perfect...but I just wanted to review it since a) you are my bestie and its my duty to read ur works and tell you what to improve and all that stuff...and b) I love to read your works!
So yeah here I'm writing rubbish as a part of this review... Since I found it pretty good and don't have criticism for it... :p
But uhh anyway...basically your poem had great flow...and I loved each and earthing about it!
With all my love...
Fang...*coughs* phangirl~
I uploaded this work a long time ago! but thank you for the review!
Lol! I really did not see the date you uploaded it xD
Oh my my!!
This is beautifully written. Impeccable, I must say!
TITLE:
It was the title of your poem that took my heart away. Usually even if the work is excellent, people tend not to visit it for a simple reason- *uncatchy titles*. Do you mind if I borrow the title of this poem of yours?
THEME:
The major thematic concern, LOVE is quite evident. We all fall in. People say its not that love is painful, its the pain of falling in love with the wrong person. But doesn't it teach you to raise your head up again? Oh Gosh, I am back to getting sentimental. SO yes, the theme is quite informal, understood by all the teen YWSers.
RHYMING SCHEME:
The rhyme scheme for me was somehow confusing at the start, but by the end you managed it well. The words selected by you are SIMPLY AMAZING.
*cold, lonely. my heart solely* *my soul in a cage* were the best indeed.
ENDING:
Just like the beginning, ending is way too important. Usually young writers tend to end it abruptly. Lucky are you who flawlessly ended it with a good flow.
No major criticisms for you except for the little ones I just mentioned above. This is one of the best poems I have ever come across.
I'll be reading your other works too, till then good luck!
Wow thank you so much! Also you can use the title if you like
i dont mind
Hey, I hope this review is up to your expectation.
This is a very good piece of work. I really like the way you have expressed yourself personally and this reaches out to people as a lot of them can relate to this particular emotion. So great work on the emotions part.
The poem also has a very nice flow to it which makes it an enjoyable read (At least to me). Another thing I loved about your poem is the ending- it amazing! Good work with that.
Looking through your poem, I only found one error which is merely a typo. The word lonely is misspelt in the third line.
Overall, this poem is truly touching and a very nice read.
Happy new year!!!
- Anshira
Thank you so much for your review. Sorry for the typo haha i didn't notice it! I'm glad you enjoyed my work, you made my day
You are welcome
This is amazing poetry, I really like it. I love the meaning behind the poem, how love can make one person feel good but insane at the same time. You're a great writer, i think that should write more like this. I'm going to check out your other works that you have published. I bet they'll be amazing just like this one.
Thank you so much!
This is quite a poem you've written! I love the use of emotion you expressed. Though I'm not quite a fan of rhyme schemes, it seems to fit perfectly in this poem. Even if I'm not entirely familiar with the romantic situation this poem suggests, I can easily understand the struggle expressed throughout it. You've made the point very clear and many may find mutual understanding in the message you have expressed.
Thank you! This was a very personal poem for me so I really appreciate it.