Heya, Radiant Shadow! Casanova here to do a review!
Anyway, I'll be taking this piece by piece so I hope you don't mind.
Curled up in a corner, forgotten,
The cold seeps into her core
As streams of silent tears fall
Over her bust lip, sore.
The first line seemed off to me. I know you're trying to make this seem sad, and I would suggest using forgotten to describe the corner and not the girl. To give it more of a wide sad feeling. The corners bigger, so I could see it that way.
I feel like,"sore," in the last line is strictly for rhyming purposes, and I would suggest just scratching that word out. It wouldn't make the poem worse, and you wouldn't have an obvious forced rhyme to deal with.
Shivers wreck her body
As blood dripped down on her neck
Forming intricate designs
Like a brand for those who check.
I really like these lines, despite the rhyming in them. They really show pain and gore, and I think that was your intention. You made me feel something without telling me what to feel. That's the way to do it.
When loneliness destroyed her
Misery draped over her shoulder
It Covered the last sliver of hope
Like a blanket that kept her in order
The rhyme scheme switches in this, and it's prominent. Now the first verse is rhyming, and I didn't enjoy the switch. I do like the imagery in these lines, though, so props for that.
She prayed and begged to the man
Reflected in the mirror, stuck
In a painting, with constant pain
As he shed his wings devoid of luck.
I feel like,"struck," is only in the third line to make it rhyme, and I wouldn't suggest that. I still like the imagery, and it's strong.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope I helped even a little.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
I hope you will enjoy it
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