The constant battle with hell

Haiii!

This was great! I love reading things about death and torture and related stuff. xD The description was great, but what bothered me was the rhythm. The rhyme was good but the rhythm was off. In the third stanza,

Here I am with a smile,

Swallowing down the bile,

Ignoring the world's vile

Rules in fear of exile.

the rhyme scheme changed. This disrupted the rhythm set in the 2 previous stanzas. I love the ending. For the world we live in is hell... That's strong. But then the next line: But we battle through it as well, it really give this entire poem meaning. And a great ending! Keep writing!

Greetings from Squirtlepowiee

Heya, Radiant Shadow!! Casanova here with another review! I'll be taking this piece by piece, I hope you don't mind.

Saturated with rage,

My mind mumbles with old age,

Trapped inside this crumpled page,

It weeps translucent tears,

Of despair and black fears.

Whilst winds whisper wise words,

Which fly like thunder birds,

Wreaking havoc in thirds,

And cry out like bluebirds.

Here I am with a smile,

Swallowing down the bile,

Ignoring the world's vile

Rules in fear of exile.

For the world we live in is hell

But we battle through it as well.

Hey R!

so first of all i loved the tittle of the poem. i know, iknow its nothing fancy but i like it so i mentioned it. you have got a very good rhyme scheme running up there, it really flows brilliantly! not to mention the word choice, which by the way is really good.
your poem is simple, yet beautiful, i guess thats why i love to read your works, cause there simplicity is beautiful

i relate well with the first stanza. when i feel ragged or sad, happy or maybe sad what i do is write... i just vomit my guts out on a page and then crumbble it throw it (and according to my understanding thats what the first stanza deels with right?).

the rest of your poem is really nicely penned. i love it!
hoping to see more of your awesome work in the future! untill then keep up the good work!

Happy reviewing
fangirl~

First of all, I really enjoyed the little time I spent reading this because:

- The rhyming was perfectly executed and as my fellow reviewer AceOfpayds I also had to look "bile" up which is quite lovely.

- The structure is well done and thus it's very easy to read as well as its pleasing and not challenging for the eyes.

- You've chosen a pretty generic subject to write about - the world being refered to as a hell - yet you do it in a different manner than it's usually done and thus provides the reader with something new and refreshing!

In all honesty I can't really find anything to criticise so instead I'll provide you with a tip for the future. Although it's very popular for poems to consist of rhymes it's not necessary - I'd love to see you try out writing a non-rhyming poem in the future to maybe challenge yourself a bit further because you've clearly mastered the art of rhyming, especially in this work.

Well done and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!

-The Hatter

As always, I will love your work!

This piece was very well put together. I love the rhyming throughout the poem. Most people tend to use very generic words, but you knew what words to put down. To be honest, I've never heard the word "bile" before. I had to look it up. That's wonderful!

I noticed, however, that your first stanza had a separate rhyme scheme than the following stanzas. I don't know and I can't tell, but I think you did it for some form of personal expression. If so, then don't worry about it. That one particular spot just caught my eye.

I would like to point out the third stanza; I loved the emotional drive here. The wording was very well placed, except for the second line. I feel that if you REALLY wanted to signify your anger and show it in this line, you could have put the word "Biting" or "Fighting". These words, especially "Biting", would fit the theme you are attempting to portray here very nicely.

Loved this poem very much, and I seriously hope to see more from you!

-Payds

One word wow.That was the shortest poem "ever" and there would be a few things I would like to talk to you about.

One of them is that you need to add more things in your story.Like have a little more action then you have right now in the poem.

Also one of the things that I would like to say is that I like the idea that you have with the story but I think you could do better.Like you just put random things in your story and you have anything to make them go with that.

And every time you write a poem like this make sure that you are thinking about writing another one because if you write another one that is based on the one you just wrote people would understand them a little more better.

You are a good writer I will give you that but if you do the things that I ask for you to do your poems would be a lot better then they are now.

Also if you do desire to write another poem based on this tell me please because I like the stile that you write

Also sorry this was supposed to be a review.

One word wow.That was the shortest poem "ever" and there would be a few things I would like to talk to you about.

One of them is that you need to add more things in your story.Like have a little more action then you have right now in the poem.

Also one of the things that I would like to say is that I like the idea that you have with the story but I think you could do better.Like you just put random things in your story and you have anything to make them go with that.

And every time you write a poem like this make sure that you are thinking about writing another one because if you write another one that is based on the one you just wrote people would understand them a little more better.

You are a good writer I will give you that but if you do the things that I ask for you to do your poems would be a lot better then they are now.

Also if you do desire to write another poem based on this tell me please because I like the stile that you write in.