Young Writers Society

Hullo RadiantShadow! Cat here to review this lovely poem in the spirit of review day! I'm testing out a new style of reviewing, so I hope this is helpful!

So I really enjoyed this short and sweet poem. You did really we for having a word and line limit. You flow and word choice is wonderful.

I have a few suggestions for you, so let's hop in, shall we? Okay, so this line; "Enveloped by the scalding heat," I feel as though 'enveloped' doesn't fit here, but I'm not sure why. The definition works in this situation, but it still doesn't seem to fit. Over here; "Eyes etched eternally in mind," I think you need a 'the' before 'mind', but I know you had a word limit, so I'll just mention this real quick and move on. This line; "Reveling in the sensual scent," I find really weird. It just doesn't seem to fit in with the poem, but I'm not sure how to reword this thought so that it does. I just want to finish by saying that this is all my suggestions to hopefully help improve this poem!

Well, great job! Keep writing!

Hello Radiant Shadow!
I, too, am a returning writer, but I couldn't remember my login so I had to make a new account. boo... but we are back now and that's what counts!

I would like to start out by saying this is definitely an accurate depiction of how I feel when I start to develop feelings towards someone. In fact, this poem was really relatable to me looking back on the past month... yay! and... well... not yay... but that's another story for another day, haha!

Okay, on to the review, review!
First of all, wow! I loved this piece in its simplicity and how well it conveyed its message. I think the shorter and sweeter the better when it comes to poetry. It makes a piece stronger if there are fewer words to get caught up on. To that effect, I enjoyed your lack of filler words immensely!

Secondly, I think the beats to each line are interesting. I noticed them because of the way you wrote enflamed (en-flamed). I wasn't sure if you were doing it on purpose until I counted out each line until I realized you had probably written it that way so the readers would read that line with eight syllables instead of seven, seeing as how all but the last line are exactly eight (the last line being ten). But I wonder if that's the reason or, if it is, if it is needed? Maybe I am just getting too hung up on it. Regardless, I liked the choice you made to write it that way, and how it made me stop to look at the syllable count in each line. Interesting choice!

Thirdly, I noticed you like the letter E. For example, "en-flamed", "Enveloped", "eyes", "etched", and "eternally". In the poem itself, these look quite normal. It's very close to alliteration. I quite enjoy it. It is subtle and perhaps a mistake or an oversight but I believe it belongs.

Lastly, because of the way my mind operates, I wonder about the capitalization of each line. Grammatically speaking only the first line should be capitalized. Poetically speaking, capitalization gives meaning, or, in some cases, a personification of sorts. When poems are this short, however, I begin to wonder if the poets are secretly eluding to someone, or something, based on the capitalized letters. For instance, in this poem, I see N.E.E.R.A. This could be someone's name. It could also be an acronym of some kind that perhaps only you know. It could also just simply be the formatting of your word processor. But I am curious as to if it was intentional or not. All things to look at I suppose.

Overall, I quite enjoyed your piece and I look forward to seeing more from you again.
Do let me know if anything I have said confuses you, or if I am unclear about aspects of my review.

Good job, keep writing, and I hope to see more from you in the future!

Lady Loki