Shivers and shining sweat wreck my body,
Embraced by you and engulfed by your heat,
Numbly sensitized, to the point of glory,
Simply drowning in this unlikely heaven.
Invisible to the world of prying eyes,
Beautifully writhing in sync to the
Invincible, encouraging music,
Living through the dance of eternity.
Indulging in the pleasure of your touch,
Trying to immerse myself in the moment.
Young and novice we dance under the light of moon.
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139,389 Literary Works • 672,542 Reviews
Heya, Radiant shadow! Casanova here with a short review!
The first thing I liked about this is that it wasn't just a regular old stanza poem, nor did it have shape or anything like that. It's just.. There, and I appreciate that. I also like the lack of rhyme here, and I think this is even a step up from your previous poem that I just reviewed.
Anyway, the lines I thought could be deleted were-
These lines don't really add anything for me, and I felt like you could do without them and still manage to have a decent length poem. But that's up for you to decide.
Overall this was a really good poem, and I really don't have much to critique. It's a small, functional, non-rhyme and meter poem which I feel you took to its potential and I really enjoyed that. It was a step up from previous work, and I look forward to seeing more by you.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
Hey RadiantShadow!
This is a very heart-warming piece of poetry, it's very romantic in content and description.
Content wise, I have no issues as you're describing the sensation of love, how one another feel when love strikes. You've effectively described each and every sensation from sweat running down, to losing conscious from the real world (to your imaginative moment).
Grammar and Spelling is exceptional as you've taken good care of your writing.
Structure wise, I wish you could organize the content into stanzas. Though it's a short piece, it may intimidate readers. Apart from that, stanzas make understanding the content more better. Apart from that, it's a short piece, so I find this acceptable.
Coherency is very good in this piece, as it's purely description about the romantic sensations. It's in chronological order too, from the start of sweat running down to us putting ourselves in the complete moment. It seems very exceptional.
Literary devices are something we need to praise in your work. You've used them very effectively here. I am able to spot use of adjectives, metaphors, and personification.
My personal rating for this work is 3.9/5
Keep writing
Thank you so much
that rating made my day
Hello RadiantShadow!!
The title catched my eyes, so here I am to review this sweet piece.
The title was very captivating and attractive. These are the characters of a good title.
The theme and the main idea of the poem is very deep, and heart touching. I liked how you have expressed all the feelings of a young person falling in love. I liked the construction of the sentence. Beautiful creation!
I like the imager you have created throughout the poem. It made me imagine he things. This took me to a wonderful tour.
Overall, GREAT work!
Sweet work!
Keep writing and have a nice day!!
Thank you so much
WelC!
Normally I don't review anything because I've never been good at it but I love this. The passionate word use and strong word use.
"Living through the dance of eternity." This has got to be my favorite line. It's beautifully balanced between emotion and imagery. This is fantastic!
I can say that "Simply drowning in this unlikely heaven." Doesn't sit well I think it's mostly the word "simply" but it's only a small bump that slowed me down from reading this.
thanks for the review! I will keep the simply because it completes the word sensibility on the left hand side