If the mirror could strangle me I'm sure it would.
I spend so much time in front of it simply staring,
Crying and pointing pointlessly at all my flaws,
All in vain as it projects the truth without caring.
~
Solely I sit sobbing, thinking what is it that makes
Me different from all of them? I ponder this question,
Hours upon hours as it was grown from the hatred
That blossomed from the stem during a particular session.
~
Every second I get closer to adulthood. Echoing doubts
Circle around my head- who will love me, will I settle down,
Will I get a good job, will I have a house- and they plague me.
They thrust their ugly thorns and strangle me like a tainted crown.
~
Society stabs it's desensitizing, destructive needle
In every one of us, through tantalizing tabloids and
Unsolicited media. I am tired of looking at the mirror
Watching poison travel through my blood turning into sand.
~
These are the thoughts that come to mind.
These are the thoughts that strengthen my soul.
But I am nothing but an insignificant human so these
Thoughts are nothing but the inner ramblings of a teenager.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,007 Literary Works • 672,815 Reviews
Heya, Radiant Shadow! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be taking this piece by piece, and I hope you don't mind. Anyway, to the review!
Here I think that the staring and caring lines are just for rhyme, and I think you could change one of them easily and not lose anything about this stanza. Overall I like the emotion that you have here, and it really goes indepth about people who try to make themselves appear attractive and such.
I like the message here, and it seems to have a bit more emotion than the previous lines did. So props for that. And the rhyming here wasn't as prominent, and I liked that.
These lines seem to have dipped in emotion, and I think you could bring it up. The last line here is really good, but the others seem to be a bit eh. Anyway, on to the next one.
I think you cute it off at,"and," in the second line to keep the rhyme scheme going, and I didn't appreciate that. Overall these are alright lines, and the imagery is really strong, so props for that.
I like how these lines don't rhyme, and especially the last line. That was a real kicker, and I appreciated that.
Anyway, that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped.
Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
Splendid work.. keep up
Thank you
After having read a lot of your poetry, I think that this is when your writing really started to mature. This poem feels as though it's very confident in it's self and really stands on it's on two feet. If that makes much sense. This is a poem with a very proper arc and something which I think is found in most great poems: an epiphany. The narrator experiences a moment of realization and of change, which gives your writing a brand new sense of real understanding when it comes to developing characters efficiently. The conclusion is solid and closes the poem off.
Frickin' kudos, man.
thanks so much! and I agree with you about the epiphany i think its the best way for a poem to end
Hello there RadiantShadow!!
This is Eros here to write a review for your work!!
I saw this topic in the Literary Spotlight. First of all, Congratulations for your work in the Literary spotlight!! The title is very attractive and catchy. It captivated and motivated me to pause, click on it and peep in what it wants to say!
The poem was written very beautifully. I like the theme of the poem which is based on the thoughts of a teenager.
She sits in front of a mirror and thinks of her future...this is what makes the poem so much unique. Ususally, when we sit in front of a mirror we think about our looks and maybe sometimes worry about ageing. But what she thinks while she sits in front of a mirror is about her future and presents her doubts if she will own a house? Will she be loved by a nice guy and things of this sort.
The poem flows very well. The presentation of the poem is also superb! I like your choice of set of the words. I like how the stanzas are linked to each other. The stanzas also flow well. I like the meaning of the poem and the construction of the sentences.
Your style of writing is easy to understand and easy to interpret.
Overall, it was really really a wonderful poem and deserves praise.
Keep writing...
Never cease...
Because we all love to keep reading such beautiful and awesome works like this one!!
Have a great day/evening!!
Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing your work with us!
I really relate to this piece in that I share the doubts expressed in it and I know how it feels to have all of these conflicting feelings at once. I think that is one of the reasons why this is such a solid story, is because everybody can relate to it in some sort of way, even if they are an adult.
I don't know whether this was intentional or not but the line "...pointing pointlessly..." is so great I found myself stopping my reading just to take in what I felt was an excellent use of contrast in writing. It also acknowledges the uselessness of pointing out ones own flaws, but we can never seem to stop doing it.
My only critique is that I would've liked it to be a little but longer, but I'm not sure that's too negative. I look forward to reading more of your writing.
Thank you so much
Hey RadiantShadow,
this line sounds a little redundant. It all has to do with the 'pointing pointlessly' part. Maybe you could play around with words a bit.Myjaspercat here to give you a brief review.
1.)
2.)
3.) --I like this because these questions are just so relate-able.
Alright, wow I really like this poem and this review has probably been one of the shortest that I have written all day. In fact this poem actually reminds me a little of one I wrote myself so I think you did a good job with that. There's just a few suggestions above that I feel would help the flow of your story but overall nice work. One quick thing though, I would suggest taking away the extra space in between your lines. Good luck and continue writing---Myjaspercat
Thank you so much
of course, anytime
Hey RadiantShadow, Edelweiss here!
Personally this beautiful poem spoke to me, because I do the exact same thing. Stare at myself in the mirror wishing I looked like someone I didn't.
Anyway, the rhyme was perfect, as well as the flow. Two thumbs up to you! Your use of words was excellent, in all the whole poem was very strong and passionate. I love how you include the media, because they are a huge impact on all the teenage girls. Creating an impossible image we are supposed to strive to become.
My only negative is in third stanza, the last sentence. "They thrust their ugly thorns and strangle me like a tainted crown." This simile is a little confusing, I'm not sure if crown fits.
You are very talented writer RadiantShawdow I really enjoyed this poem. It is a masterpiece by far! I hope to see more like this in the near future, keep writing!
-Edelweiss-
Thank you so so much!
Thank you for the read!