Humanities Battle.

Heya, Radiant Shadow!! Casanova here to do a quick review for you!

To be honest besides the rhyming I really liked this piece, and it was a bit different from your usually ones. Piece by piece I guess.

Listen to the weightless words weighing down the wind as I endure,

All the bloody beatings that are conjured from a heart so impure.

Have you no eyes to witness the demeaning dangers done only to obscure?

In the shivering shadows they rage relentless rain on the real world's silence,

No one comes crawling in with pitch forks nor guns so I am sole in this defiance.

How is it that only the unreal imagined thoughts are brave enough for an alliance?

The wounds do not heal and scars never completely seal hence time must be broken,

As the tremulous trinkets tremble with simple shame for no one has yet spoken.

Why has no one come forth to help the helpless when all of time is intricately woven?

Armed with a blunt blade and armoured by the armless. In the name of the brave I kill,

Demonic saints and demented angels cry calls of realization as their blood and tears I spill,

All is right as they are taken away from sight and the dead are once again dead and I am finally fullfilled.

I love the tone of the poem, it sounds almost vengeful and angry. I like the diction that you use, they were so fitted perfectly and really brought the affects of a battlefield. The rythming was also great and was appealing to see them used. The last paragraph was probably my favorite because it just painted a picture of what the poem was about.

One thing that I think the poem can go without is the dots that you used between the stanzas. I think the reader will be able to tell when a new stanza starts, so the dots are sort of unneeded.

Hey! I'm going to be ripping up your poem, so take everything I say with a grain of salt.

First and absolutely foremost, the title should be "Humanity's Battle." (unless of course you're saying that multiple humanities exist, but the definition of "humanity" encompasses all humans, so how could there be multiple? It's definitely Humanity's)

Okay. I like that you're trying out alliteration, and this subject of fighting and stuff is pretty cool, but this is so... painfully vague, it has forced rhyme, and it sounds like you're trying really hard to sound poetic, and that try-hard-ness is really kind of ruining it for this poem.

What are you really trying to get across with this poem. Because right now all I'm getting is some fighting imagery and desperation. That doesn't speak to the audience. People want something that they can relate to in their poetry. This just sounds like you're trying to write a poem, and you picked a subject you figured you could make sound dramatic and poetic and stuff and just wrote it.
I'm not trying to say that this is bad, really you have some nice word choice here (although they aren't words you would use naturally and that again makes it sound like you're just trying to sound fancy and flowery and poetic). I think you just approached this the wrong way. The goal of the poem should come first, and then the words. Figure out what you want to say and just write what it is you want to say! Don't worry about making things rhyme or making things sound fancy. Drop that thesaurus. You don't need it.

Also, all this sadness and despair is really kinda cliche. This poem sorta perpetuates the stereotype that all poetry is really depressing, it has to rhyme, it's really vague, and every line has to start with a capital letter.
I challenge you in the next poem you write to experiment and shatter these stereotypes. And continue to try new things with formatting and content.
One of the best ways to get better at figuring out what is cliche awkward, and just plain not good in poetry is by reading a lot of it. I really believe you can't get good at poetry if you don't read more of it than you write. figure out what you like in poems and what you don't like in them.

I'm here for you if you need help! I really hope you don't think that this review is saying that you're a bad poet, because you're not! But this poem isn't all that good in my opinion. But seriously, I'd love to be of help in your poetry journey. Why not come to those things that @Audy is going to be doing on Tuesdays? They're poetry workshops where you work on a certain aspect of poetry and then write your own poetry using it and get a little bit of feedback! I think it would be a good time. I certainly like them, and I learn something new every time I go to a poetry workshop!

Keep writing! You can only get better with practice
~fortis

A good poem with a profound message. enjoyed the alliteration

Hi this is Spartan here with an amazing review for you so beer with me.
First off this poem is really dark to me and yet it shows how bad humanity has fallen. The poem itself leaves me confused on how the title and the poem go together in a way cause it leaves little for me to go on. Third you could elaborate a little more for the reader to understand it. The poem was good and it might need some improvements but not a lot, so yea. I got to give this poem some credit though because it does show that humanity does have problems and fear makes people allies.
I loved this poem it is true and I really hope you keep up the good work and keep on writing. I hope to see more of your work in the future. Have a wonderful day, evening, morning, or night depending on where you live.
This was Spartan 118 here and this is my review, bye.