Wow! Nice job! When I first read this, I didn't understand, but after I reread, it was pretty humorous. Two items you might want to edit:
Sister: What the hell are you making out with a sandwich?
You might want to change it to:
Sister: What the hell?! Are you making out with a sandwich?
and also you might want to change the colon to what else you have been using:
Sister:
It should be
Sister-
Just to keep it consistent.
Apart from that, I think this piece is wonderful!
Points: 784
Reviews: 5
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