A/N: My last work for the day. This is a poem that I made for my teacher when I was 12.
I am a shy person
I wonder if I don't succeed by myself
I hear my sister is going to college
I am a person who is trying to make friends
I pretend I am not myself
I feel like I am in a plot of a story
I touch the feelings of the character
I worry of they don't like me
I cry when I am heartbroken
I am a person who never give up
I understand that I can get that
I say I can be successful
I dream of being a director and actress
I try to make my dreams come true
I am someone
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Sorry that this is short, but this is a sweet poem, and you wrote this when you were twelve? This is wonderful. Keep it up.
Hey there, here's what I thought -
(This kind of reminded me of when I was 8 or 9 and was just starting to come up with ideas for poetry!)
It was lovely.
It was a refreshing read because it was so simple and pure; and being a 12 year old's poem, it was interesting to read because at that age, we have so much on our minds, but not always enough words to express it. And I also noticed how every line begins with an 'I'. I used to do that too!
There are a few typos though (I wonder if they're actually typos or if this is all just a direct copy of the original poem)
1) I worry
ofif they don't like me2) I am a person who never
givegives upI can't leave without telling you that this line made me smile -
... still smiling
Regards,
S
From a 12 year old's point of view- Aspirations are everything. You've done a great job by proving that.
All kids want to be a princess, a hero, batman, an astronaut and so many other things.
You've emphasized on the fact that you ARE someone. You have your own identity. What perked my interest was- "I pretend I am not myself"
Why would you have written that?
Over all, it was really nice!
Director and actress? What about a pro-writer?
Hey, Shiny's here to review!
So, I get what you're trying to achieve here. Actually, you made it quite clear.
Knowing that you were 12 when you wrote this, I won't judge it. Or nitpick at it. I'll just tell you that your point was proven, and I really liked it.
Hey Pinkiegirl13. I hope you are doing fine.
But don't stop writing then!
I am here for a mini review. Well this is great (when we see it from an angle of a twelve years old kid). It is simple and straight to the point. I like your poems because of this.
However, the format isn't one of the best and the punctuation aren't used at all. Well I suppose it is due to the fact that you didn't change your six years old poem!
And I do agree with you first line (you are shy and it sometimes make others feel you are ignoring them!)
I don't really bother about grammatical mistakes and all; they are way too easy to make and I am sure someone else can do it for you if they are kind enough.
But frankly, I liked your poem and I hope you shall become a great director and an actress
Have a great night.
Cheers.
Hello Pinkiegirl13!
Much better than mine was when I wrote it! Mine had a lot to do with my pet chickens that no one understood at all why I loved them so much. I wish that I had put something more sensible in it because I shared it with the rest of the school XP. Poetry was NOT my strong suit then. Or at least that's what my grades told me.
~Kelpies