A/N: Well, I do this stories just to write down my ideas. So yeah...here's the first one: The Princess~Part 3(Rated E)
Ana
In somewhere in this strange dream, I was trapped in the darkness. I can't see anything because I was too dark for me to see. I began to scream for someone to heard me. Then, I saw people was coming out of the dark. They were surrounding me and talking about me.
"Ana's a monster."
"Ana's a murderer."
"She is the murderous monster of all."
"She killed her sister, Kelly."
"She needs to be punishment."
I was terrified by the people who are calling me as a murderous monster. As they get louder and louder, my fears are coming for me. I put my hands on my head and shook my head in side to side.
"No! I am not a monster! Please...enough," I yelled back at the people before putting my hands down.
I can felt my powers are boiling inside of me. When they kept on talking about me, I finally snapped.
"Enough!!" My powers were unleashed as it shot out at the people who turned into bones and fell on the floor. I looked everywhere of the people that I killed. They were right. I am a monster. Then, I knelt down on my knees and cried to myself until everything went black.
Finally, I woke up by Lisa who was screaming my name with a worried look. I stared at her and asked, "What? Something's wrong?"
She nodded as she stared at me. I looked down and saw my purple lights on the ground and the bottom of the tree which I laid on. I was scared when I saw this. My powers are getting stronger. I stared back at Lisa with fear in my eyes.
"D-D-Don't worry. I know some old guy who deals with this. I know where he is. Come on," Lisa explained before she reached her hand toward me.
I stared at her hand, and then back at her. I moved back into the tree while shaking my head in side to side.
"No, I will hurt you like my sister," I said in fear.
She sighed and moved back from me. "Fine. Let's go there...without holding hands, okay?" Lisa said in a serious tone. I gave her a weak smile and nodded.
"Ok, let's go."
A/N: Next...Incredible Hulk Can Be Nice~Chapter 2 (Edited)! (Rated 16+ for language)
After lunch time is over, I went to my science class. I sat next by Bessie who always sit in the front of the class. We talked to each other as we waited for everyone to come into the class. After five minutes later, everyone got into their seats. Then, Mike came in with a frown on his face. He walked toward the male student who was sitting next to the window. Mike gave him a death look which got the student to get up and ran to the other seat. He sat down while looking at everyone. I shook my head at this scene.
Oh, Mike, you mean little Incredible Hulk..., I thought.
Finally, our science teacher, Mrs. June, finally started talking.
"Okay, class. We will have a project today. We are having science fair in a week so we will do it in partners. Okay, let me call for your partners...."
While Mrs. June was calling people's names that who will be partners with, I was praying that I don't have Mike as a partner. I will be kidnap or end up dead if I am his partner. If God hear me in this room, don't let be partners with Mike.
"Okay, Alliyah Stevenson and....Mike Hunter!"
My jaw was dropped when she said my name with his. I looked back at Mike who was staring me with a unpleasant look. I look back at the front of the room. Bessie whispered to me, "Hey, are you will be okay...with him?" Bessie pointed at Mike.
I gave her a weak smile and answered, "Yup, I will be okay."
Bessie slowly nodded. "Well, good luck," Bessie said before looking at her notebook.
I put my head on my book that is laying on the desk.
I fucked..., I thought.
After going though entire day of school, I walked out of school. I was going to wait for my parents so I can get the supplies for the science project. Then, I saw Mike walking past me with his hand reaching to grab my waist and dragging me with him. I struggled to let go as we moved away from the school. Then, his grip was hurting my waist. He noticed of what I am doing. I know this will happen. Many people talked about this if someone was partners with him, and now it is happening to me. I kept on pulling for freedom until he turned to me.
"Will you stop Fucking doing that?" He yelled with frustration.
"No, I want you let me go!" I yelled back at him with a frown
"No, I will let you go when we get to my house!"
"So you Kill me?!"
Mike stared at me with surprised for a second until his face was very red in anger as his hair. He finally let go of my waist.
"So..you fucking believe that shit of what they said to me...about me being Incredible Hulk?" He asked in an anger, but a calm tone.
I nodded with a frown in my face. He sighed and then shook his head.
"Fine...fine! Believe them then! Go do the fucking project without me!" He ran off to down the street. I stared at him until he was gone. I walked off back to my house because they supposed worried about me. I glad he is gone and not my partner anymore. I will do it on my own and get an 'A' without me.
While a long walk to my house, it was already getting dark. I checked my watch to see what time is it, and it was 8:56 pm.
"Shit, I'm late," I mumbled before looking forward and kept walking. Suddenly, I saw some guys who were drunk and older than me. They were checking me out like saying, "Hey, baby girl." or "Sweetheart, why about come here and give us a good time?". I ignored as I never look back at them and kept on focusing on going home. However, I felt someone's hands touched my ass. Abruptly, I turned around and saw it was one of the drunk guys.
"Hey, back off!" I quickly said at the man.
"Come on, baby, I know you want to," said the man as he touched on my body.
I slapped him on the head, but he punched me in the face. I turned to the side and felt my cheek. It was hurt and string like hell. I turned to the guy that hit me before he grabbed my hair and pulled me to the woods. I screamed for help because I know he is going to rape me. As we made it to the woods, I hit it in the nuts and tried to run. However, he grabbed me and pushed me into the tree hard. My nose was blooding, and my eyes were blurry. I saw the man's figure in front, smiling at me as he is about to unzip his pant. Then, I saw a figure behind him.
"Hey!" said the figure before the man stared at it. The figure punched the man in the face which made him knocked out. The figure stared at me before walking toward me and reached its arms. Finally, everything went black.
A/N: Finally....Love Stinks~Summary(Rated 18+ for mature content and strong languages)
Erica and Doniz were good friends since middle school. Doniz was always in love with her, and tried to confess his love for her. However, Erica already got someone in her mind, and his name is Ryan Terry who is a celebrity. After two years, she was heartbroken and about to commit suicide. Will Doniz tell her that she loves or will it be too later?
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Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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Pinkiegirl13. We meet again. *attempts creepy voice then explodes* HAPPY ULTIMATE POKEMON AWESOMENESS REVIEW TEAM PLASMA FOR THE WIN WEEEEEEE DAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Okay, you might've made a typo here. "Heard" should've been "hear".
"I began to scream for someone to heard me."
Also, "was" should be "were", since "people" is plural.
"Then, I saw people was coming out"
And here, "punishment" should be "punished".
"She needs to be punishment."
In the next chapter, the wording is strange.
"Hey, are you will be okay...with him?"
And in the next chapters the wording is a bit weird, please proofread.
Your chapters are intriguing, though, and I hope you get more works in the Green Room!
I've read The Princess part 3. It was alright, I can't really say any more. Will get to chapter 4 soon.
Hey, Pinkiegirl!
So, for the first idea, it left me wondering who Lisa was and how she thinks she can help this character. Does she want to take the character's powers away? Teach her how to control them? Does she have some kind of technology to control them? What you've written has got me interested in that.
Also, though, she just killed like a bunch of people, so wouldn't somebody react to that? Wouldn't the government or ruling class try to catch this person who goes around murdering everybody? Wouldn't there be some kind of consequence? I mean if you think about everyone she turned to stone as being potentially the next main character in your next story, you realize they are all real people and their lives just ended. So I'm wondering how you'll deal with that idea in your writing, too!
For the second idea, I really really like the idea that there's some kid with super strength, but instead of other kids thinking it's cool, they tell rumors about him, like that he kills people. I think that's an interesting take that at least I've never read about, and I like that he even responds to her with, "You really believe what they say about me?" It's also a little confusing because he touches her waist without permission, which is an annoying show of strength, so I don't LIKE his character, but I also wanna figure out what's really going on. I wanna know the truth, so I'd probably read more.
I would probably want to know more about the setting, though, and again tie it into a real world that we're familiar with. One with police men who might try to arrest this hulk kid if he kills the terrible guys who attack the main character.
For the last idea, the idea is really short, but if it could be tackled subtly, it might be interesting. It's interesting to think about people who get obsessed with celebrities and try ti find out the psychology of where that comes from and how people who love them can deal with it.
Hope these thoughts are helpful to you!
Keep writing!
Hannah
Hey there, Elinor here for a review.
Instead on commenting on the general idea
here (which last time I checked caused you to verbally abuse me) like I did before, I'm just going to do a few nit picking. Here goes.
" I was trapped in the darkness. I can't see anything because I was too dark for me to see."
This just repeats itself. And its "because IT was too dark"
" I began to scream for someone to heard me."
For someone to HEAR me.
"She needs to be punishment."
She needs to be PUNISHED.
" Mike gave him a death look"
Mike gave him a poisonous/furious/evil ect look.
"Will you stop Fucking doing that?" He yelled with frustration.
"No, I want you let me go!" I yelled back at him with a frown
"No, I will let you go when we get to my house!"
"So you Kill me?!"
Really...? I'm adding this for no other reason other than that I think the dialogue is rather wooden.
" I will do it on my own and get an 'A' without me."
Without HIM.
" It was hurt and string like hell."
It hurt and STUNG like Hell.
" I slapped him on the head, but he punched me in the face. I turned to the side and felt my cheek. It was hurt and string like hell. I turned to the guy that hit me before he grabbed my hair and pulled me to the woods. I screamed for help because I know he is going to rape me. As we made it to the woods, I hit it in the nuts and tried to run. However, he grabbed me and pushed me into the tree hard. My nose was blooding, and my eyes were blurry. I saw the man's figure in front, smiling at me as he is about to unzip his pant. Then, I saw a figure behind him.
"Hey!" said the figure before the man stared at it. The figure punched the man in the face which made him knocked out. The figure stared at me before walking toward me and reached its arms. Finally, everything went black."
Discount Twilight.
Anyway, that's all for now. Here's a piece of advice, a quote from David Mitchell:
" If you show someone something you've written, you give them a sharpened stake, lie down in your coffin, and say, ‘When you’re ready’."
Ponder upon that.
Hope you continue writing.