Name: Mindy 'Cryoatic' Williams
Age: 16
Appearance: Like on the picture
Family: She has a mother named Vera Williams and a twin brother named Nate 'Cryatoic' Williams
Personalities: She is goofy and outgoing. She enjoys making fun of her brother and saying silly replies to video games. She sometimes making her brother mad by getting more points on the game. She is also mysterious to people. She never shows her face around the camera.
Speaks: She has a high tone Bristol voice.
History: She was born in Los Angeles. She never know her father since she was little. When she was ten, she enjoyed playing video games. She always asked for games for Christmas. She played them with her brother on every weekend to record a video. Now everyone likes her and wants to see her, she became the most popular and mysterious person on YouTube.
Other: She is like her mother. She is very insecure about boys.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hey, yo, Pinkiegirl13! Strangelove, once again, here on this PokeReview Day and I have a quick review for you!
What is this about, first off? What is the story going to be about and all that stuff. I sure don't know what to expect, so it beats me what it is. You overuse the word 'She' in the history section. Call her by name, sometime. You also like YouTube a lot. Another question, why Cryaotic? Why does her brother have the same middle name? They need to be different.
Alright, I don't know what would classify as a high tone Bristol voice. Speaks: isn't the correct term for this. She doesn't speak her own accent.
Well, yeah. There was my review for it.
Good job,
Keep writing,
Stay groovy, my friend.
#TeamPlasmaStruck
Knight r4 here to help kick this work out of the green room Pink
That is poor description. It should be changed to, "when she turned ten she started liking video games."I am not sure if this is for some story or not, though it seems like that would make sense. I think that you should have left out the part about her appearance or just inserted the picture of the appearance instead of saying "Like on the picture." I also thought that you could have explained why the character has been nicknamed 'Cryoatic'. (That should also be changed to "Cryoatic by the way). I think you could have done a better job of explaining that.
I think this is rather unnecessary. Why do we need to know how she talks. I am rather confused by that. Also she would not speak in a high toned, Bristol voice if she was born in LA!
Okay. It is pretty hard to become "the most popular person on YouTube" by just posting video game walk throughs. I don't think anyone is "the most popular person on YouTube".
So aside from that this was alright. I am sorry if I was a little harsh, but I am not exactly sure why you posted this. I would simply weave that stuff into the story if I were you. But that is just my opinion. Happy writing!!!
Sir, her mother moved into Los Angeles from New England. Also, I am doing this for myself. So good day, sir!
Hey Pinkie! Glad to see another post from you! I am here to review!
As you say "just let me get my review glasses on so I can review your piece."
Okay here we go!
First off is this for one of your YouTube stories? I'm guessing so because it says she is very popular on YouTube in the description.
I'm not quite sure what's up with the very strange middle names " 'Cryoatic' " and " 'Cryatoic' " but I like them! I think it might be better without the apostrophes around them too. You always come up with really interesting names Pinkie!
The other thing I'm a little unsure about is under "other" you put "She is like her mother" and I'm wondering if she is has a similar personality or looks like her mother. Also it's odd that she is insecure around boys when she has a twin who is a boy! But I suppose that can happen.
Also how is she so popular on YouTube if she never shows her face on the camera?? What type of videos does she post then?
I liked the character profile I just have a few questions though. By the way great editing of this, I didn't see any spelling mistakes really!
~Your Friend,
alliyah
Okay, you pretty much answered my questions in chat.
Hi Pinkie! I'm not sure if you meant to post this profile to be reviewed, but I might as well say a few words now that I'm here!
I really liked your description about the video games in the personality bit. It's not something I would think of, so it made her seem more real! Although I was surprised that you actually presented a picture, since she doesn't like showing her face on camera. But if she's a Youtuber, does she not show her face even there?
I'm not sure what you mean by "Bristol voice". If you mean the accent of people in the city of Bristol in England, she must have moved there at quite a young age if she was born in Los Angeles, but then again you don't mention anything about her current location. Maybe there's a Bristol in America?
Those are my thoughts!
Demeter
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