Notice: Guys, this is the mix up for my story. I watched a lot of Youtube videos and did a lot of Sidney's Children stories(well, not on here). Well, I decided to make it like a story. But first, summary!
After Mary's powers went overpowered and became evil, everywhere in the world's internet turned into monsters and attacked mankind. Today, the children met some Youtubers, Pewdiepie, Cryaotic, KPOPP, Tobuscus, Yamimash, Markipiler, etc, and had to worked together to save the world and turned Mary as her regular self. However, will they survive?
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140,755 Literary Works • 673,687 Reviews
Hai Pinkie, Laure here for a very brief review. So as clogs have stated below, I don't quite understand why you would bother to post a summary on YWS for 250 points especially because almost no one will read this. Instead of wasting your points, you probably could have written chapter one instead. Summaries are not necessary on YWS because even if you post them it isn't going to necessarily entice or hook the readers. What you've written is just a block of text, summarizing your story which may or may not put people off. I'm just advising here, that next time when you want to publish something. Consider what benefits it will bring you, if is not that big. Then save the points for something else.
Clogs has already pointed out a lot of the things below, but since I'm already here. I might as well review this.
Your sentence structure is a bit awkward here, so I will offer you some suggestions on how to improve this.
'Went overpowered' the went there is unnecessary.
'everywhere in the world's internet' everywhere and the world is basically the same thing. Putting them in the same sentence is very awkward. So, get rid of 'everywhere in' and just go with 'the world's internet....'
Also, how can the internet turn into monsters. The internet is not a physical thing, they are basically radio waves (whatever the science is here) that is global. They can't turn into physical monsters, but if you mean monsters in a 'hacker' kind of way I suppose it could work.
'turned Mary as her regular self' -> As is used incorrectly here, it should be 'turned Mary back to her regular self' or something along those lines.
Like clogs said below, it just basically jumped from one thing to the other without any logical sense. Once again, I repeat my earlier statement. If this was a summary to hook readers in, then I'm afraid I'm not very hooked at all. This summary makes me feel like that the novel lacks complete logical sense, however I will point out that the idea of the internet turning against us seems interesting.
Keep writing, and if this review has offended you in any shape or form. I apologize because that is not my content at all.
-Laure
You don't have to be hooked on it. I just writing a summary for me to remember the plot of the story. I don't care that you like it or not. I just writing it for a reason. Plus, that's all the ideas I got for it. I am not going to give out info about the story. I have to keep it for my story. I am not a great writer like you. I am just a wannabe writer.
Ok first of all, that wasn't my intention at all. There are no such thing as a good writer or a bad writer or a wannabe writer. If you're. Writer, you're a writer. End of story. If you're writing for a summary for you to remember then that's fine but I'm just saying that perhaps posting it on your desktop on a sticky note might be wiser than wasting points. Once again, your choice, sorry my opinion offended you. Alright, the whole point of a summary is not be give your info away so that's fine with me, I would like to point out that I'm not trying to do anything here except to help you and to give you my own opinion on this. And you're not a wannabe writer, you are a writer. I repeat, there is no such thing as a good or bad writer. There is only a writer, and you are one.
Hello there!
So, the first thing I have to say, is why are you posting just a summary? I realize that summaries are intended to grab readers' attention and convince them to read something, but they usually go in the description. Not to mention, us readers like finding out what's going on throughout the story.
Also, who is Mary? Is she someone from a story of yours that I have not read? Maybe you could give some description of who or what Mary is.
Here, you say that the internet turned into monsters. That sounds cool. That sounds like something Steven Moffat would write. In fact, he did write something like this, in a way, and it was a brilliant episode of Doctor Who. So this sounds like it's going to be really cool. But we need clearer information.
Who are these children? Are they part of this generation that is addicted to the internet? You should specify which children.
I'm not on Youtube at all, so I don't know who these people are, but I think that if they're real life people, writing about them would classify as fan fiction, so you could change your category. Just sayin'.
Wait a second. Just a few sentences ago you were telling us that the internet turned into monsters. Now, it implies that Mary's a monster, too. I'm confused as to what's going to be happening.
There are also several grammatical errors in this, but I'm sure some other lovely reviewer will come along and point them out for you.
Overall, I like the general idea of this (internet turns against us) but I think you need to be clearer with its wording. Like I said, who is Mary? Who are the children? Are they the children from the Sidney's Children you were talking about? Please change this to explain, because it sounds really interesting.
Keep on keeping on!