Amalia: the little garden gnome Chapter 1

Heya. AdjiFlex here. So... this was a really short chapter you wrote. With a chapter this short, you should really try to ensure that there are zero errors. The short length is really enough of a distraction. I won't try to point out the grammatical and syntactical glitches you have here, as there are quite a few, and I saw enough mention of that by other reviewers.

Now on to the story itself. I really like the atmosphere I got while just starting to read this:
"In a far away forest, there was a little garden gnome..." This sounds like a cute fairy tale that could be made into a picture-book from the get-go. You really kept this style up. There are animals, gnomes, and I wouldn't be surprised to see fairies and princess in chapter 2. So the main thing I would suggest you try to fix is the error density in your works. Just get someone to proofread and edit when you do a chapter. Another person might see some errors you miss while editing by yourself. This is so for even highly professional writers, so don't think it's a tip just for amateurs. Keep writing!

Hi, reviewing now!

First, you should fix the grammar issues birkhoof has pointed out. It doesn't matter that much, as long as story is readable, but you could make it more pleasant for people to review, thus you will get more of them.

There is one more thing you should have corrected, that is the first paragraph. You overused words forest and animal. You can really play with words there! Keep both of these only once and replace them with whatever you like. Animals? Furry creatures, becouse why not?

Now praises. This is rated for everyone, but with the nature of the story, this would be a real great kid story. I mean, it is about a clumsy little gnome who wishes to help but nobody wants her to. All the children are clumsy, all of them want to be grown up and do what their parents do, so they could fell the story really great!

And there is this picture that kids would love. It's the sad Amalia, when she cried after she got kicked. I can already see worried little faces when they carefully listen the story further on!

I hope this can be somewhat helpful!

-Alchemist

Hi there! Noelle here for a Review Day review!

Well, Birkhoff has managed to pick out every single little grammatical and whatever issues you have with this chapter (he has a super power that helps him do that I think). So I'm going to just stick to our character(s) and the overall feel/story.

Aw, I feel so bad for Amalia! How could Ricky just kick her out like that? He could've just as easily kept a close eye on her or maybe just forbid her from ever helping again. He really didn't have to kick her out. It's a good thing that she has the animals on her side, otherwise she'd have no one else to go to!

So I warn everyone of this who writes a story that takes place in a different world. You have to work extra hard with your descriptions and storytelling in order for the readers to believe what you are telling them. You have a world here where gnomes are real. I totally believe you, but I want more proof and description. I want to truly believe that these gnomes exist, that they are alive. Make sure to keep building your world as you go along.

As for the pace of this chapter, well, I personally think it's a bit fast. Why not wait a few chapters before Ricky kicks Amalia out of the village? Let us get to know the characters a little better. If you really develop Amalia well, it will be quite an emotional event when she gets kicked out. It's emotional now, but you can always make it more emotional.

Other than those few points, I don't have much else to say! Just let me know when the next chapter is out

Keep writing!
**Noelle**

Hey Pinkie!

Though I'm a few days late, I guess I should start off with a belated welcome to YWS! I hope you enjoy yourself here.

Well, I suppose you have a rather interesting story going on here. It's not too often I read about gnomes. However, your story has some issues.

Despite its short length, there are a bunch of grammatical errors, including typos, dialogue issues as well as problems with past/present tense. It shifts back and forth.

And then it's the overall story. I do like it, as I said; I hardly read stories involving gnomes, but what you have here is lacking a lot. In addition, there are parts of it that doesn't make too much sense.

It'll be a lot easier if I write as I go along:

Edit

She was playing in the forest when she met several animals and creatures in the forest..

to her homeland because she doesn't know where to go.

she saw many of her species, building houses

The head of the gnomes, Ricky, was disappointed

"Oh, no..." whispered Ricky.

"Hello, Rick, I am reporting for duty!

Ricky sighed and said, "Look, Amalia, I think we are fine. You just need to-ah!"

She always messed things up when she tried to help them.

Everyone wanted him to ban her, but he doesn't want to hurt her

ruining the houses as the houses rolled over their village.

their homeland was destroyed.

The gnomes cried as they saw the mess that Amalia had done.

and looked at Amalia with their furious look.

yelled the male gnome.

Look at the mess she's done," said a female gnome.

Ricky nodded his head and looked at Amalia. He walked toward her as Amalia gave him a puppy face.

"Please, don't kick me out! I will be alone in the dark world!" thought Amalia.

"Amalia, you are a little young gnome.

You are six years old and don't have to leave, but...everyone wants me to do this. So you are banned

from this village and forced to live in the

The gnomes threw her out and closed the doors.

During her long walk, she begins to sing an emotional song.

as they followed the singing.

Amalia captured their hearts and they gave her

[Well, this is chapter 1. Oh, yeah, I was playing with you guys. I didn't quit writing. I was doing my character, who is know-it-all writer. I know you guys trying to help me. Plus, I am a kid who is great writer, but need to do better. Hope you read the message.]