Age: 20
Gender: Female
Lives: Los Angeles
Birthplace: London, New England
Birthday: August 4, 1994
Quirks: She has a epilepsy seizure when she saw flashing lights.
Weakness(es): One of her family members are dead. She can't focus when she was something cute like a teddy bear.
Strength(s): When she has a chance to escape and she will try to achieve her goals.
History: Rosie was born in London, New England. She was raised by her father and his wife, Sarah. She had a great life and have many friends which she loved to play with. When she was five year old, she has a epilepsy seizure when she saw flashing lights. Her family got her to be away from those flashing lights for safety. When she was in high school, she wanted to become a chef for her father's diner. He taught her how to make his tasteful foods which she always enjoyed. However, she saw two men broke to the diner and shot her father in front of her on the night after everyone left. Her stepmother started to blame her for his death and said, "Why did you died instead of him?". She sometimes beat her for no reasons or when Rosie told her that it is not her fault. After all of the years of beatings and blames, she started to leave her home and moved to Los Angeles. She started to work at Moey's restaurant. She first met her lost-long mother and her siblings. She moved in with them and had a great life.
Personalities: Kind-hearted, honest, weak, playful, and kind of brave.
Other: She loves to pick on her siblings. And she loves to have teddy bears.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
I don't give a care about her being perfect and trying to make her relate to ya'll.
'Lo.
Try replacing "lives" with "location".
How convenient, her birthday is tomorrow. Happy 20th, Rosie!
Had*
Is*
Sees*
This really isn't a strength. Also, elaborate or be more specific. Escape from what?
His wife? Does that mean Sarah is her stepmother? If so, add that in there.
Has* unless she's dead, which I assume she's not.
Break*
Add in the emboldened.
This makes no sense. Revise it.
Okay, so not too skippy on her history, there. She miraculously finds her long-lost birth mother and moves in? Even though her mother never came to see her and Rosie never knew about her half-siblings? And of all places, the one town she chooses, she finds her mom. And lives happily ever after.
Maybe I'm just a pessimist but that seems too perfect to me. Not realistic. No me likey.
Hope this helps.
~Iggy
Since you don't really accept written criticism, I figured I'd try another approach and give you an audio recording of your character profile. Maybe with this you'll be able to point out the subject-verb disagreements, the tense changes, and other taboos.
Furthermore, I refuse to accept a character who considers epilepsy a 'quirk'. It's a serious disorder and should be treated as such. If she has true epilepsy, there are more triggers than just flashing lights. Research it on your own.
Finally, the hyperlinks in your work indicate that you have malware on your computer. You can check out this thread for more info.
Anyway, enjoy the audio.
Dude, I don't want to hear your voice or your words about it.
Hey, Pinkie, is Pinkieshere really your sister? In real life?
Yup!
Oh...
Is she nice?
Yeah, but she is very goofy...