Not How We Dreamed

Insanely relatable. I could almost wonder if it were me who wrote these words, but no. You did a far greater job than I ever could in conveying all the emotions that were poured out into this poem. The pain, the frustration and the disappointment.

The way you refer to dreams ruined by reality is such a common thought, yet you were able to put it in a way that was not too cliche.

"The world is filled with too many almosts,

And not enough real life fantasies.

Hope is a reverie."

I can only feel awe when I read that line. Even after the second time. And the third. And the fourth. And so on.


"The reality gets caught in my throat.

It chokes me, stealing the air that I breathe."

How are you able to be so concise about the message while being so poetic and still rhyme the rest of the way through? I can only guess that you have talent.

You went form "only the ambitious will succeed" in the second stanza, and then you brought the reader back to the same rhythm in the fourth stanza with "People are made of greed" (which actually reminds me of Imagine Dragons). I applaud how well structured this poem is. I have a feeling that a lot of thought was put into it, and it was well placed effort because it resulted in a beautiful poem.

A highly enjoyable piece, and I can almost see in turn into a most heart wrenching ballad.

Hey MadWriter7! CHRISSY321 here dropping by to give a short review for your amazing poem

I really loved this poem! I feel like I really connect with it. I do often wish of a world where people are peaceful and got alongs, and gave to others, buts sadly that is not how everyone acts and there are just terrible acts going on.

I also love how this relates because you can think of it in a romantic sense! I often daydream about guys, and they asking me out, or me flat out performing Taylor Swift song beautifully in front a a crowd.. *May or not be in love with Taylor Swift music and listen to is every day on the bus the school and daydream...*

Okay, now that I am done with my relations, I wanted to point out one area that really stood out to me:

Why is it that every dream is ruined by reality?

The world is cruel unlike the stories.

My eyes feel like crying, they are taunting me,

Teasing me, hurting me.

Hey Mad,
I'm back again.

Seems you're in the spotlight for every piece you write, cool!
Anyway, the poem. I'm not sure I've fallen for it just yet. I have a few suggestions but they're quite nit-picky, just to warn you

In the third stanza, the longest (I like how you made it long in the middle then short again, by the way), I felt you kind of rambled. I mean, I couldn't put my finger on what was putting that little thorn in my brain until I saw it. You have three lines in a row ending with the word 'me'. It might be almost unnoticeable, but in another way, it really is. It's like when you sit an exam and come out saying "I know I did something wrong.", but you can't pinpoint your mistake. That's how it felt reading these lines - it took me out of the flow and I couldn't understand why, bugged me so much! I mean, if you want to keep it, then that's perfect because this could be me being obsessive but you WILL get a lot of the same kind of people (we're common here) feeling uneasy as they pass over those lines. I like the word choice apart from that though. You managed to ramble creatively, so that it didn't seem so much like rambling as much as it did you maxing out your creativity.

To finish, I enjoyed the content - less real-life situation than your last pieces and more imaginative. I thought it was a great change-up, and I'd advise you to explore this route more because clearly it's working for you. Also, maybe next time go either full rhyme or no rhyme, sometimes it pulls you out of the flow when you're wondering what way the rhythm is going to change in the next stanza - unless there's a method to the madness, of course It wasn't SO evident here, but it's not really a path you want to walk down unless you're going to do it really nicely.

P.S. Nothing has a limit, it's your piece - you do what you please with it. No poem you write will ever matter to anybody more than it does to you, because it's practically you on paper. Remember that, when you're writing, every time. It is your piece, the words should flow a lot more smoothly then because you realize that nobody can tell you to do something. I think the piece is perfect the way it is - just fix those little nitpicks (if you like) - but I think if you follow the advice in this paragraph then you would really shine through your words (something every writer wants).

Thanks for the good read.
Yours in ink,
TS.

This is incredible, it's so true on so many levels. It's heartbreaking once you realize life isn't like it is in fairy tales, where everything is fluffy and easy and simple, then sprinkled with glitter on top. Sometimes it's just not fair. This poem depicts that beautifully. Writing a review would be pointless because of how perfect it is. Amazing, amazing job!

Hi MadWriter, Felistia here with a review for you on this wonderful day.

Theme: I really enjoyed reading this poem because of the theme you presented. I have never been able to connect to a poem like this, because I normally only have some experience in what the writer is talking about, but this poem, my goodness it is like every day of my life right now. I really wise I could dream still, but you have to stick to reality and fight to win or get left behind. As you said it is not the world I dreamed of.

Description: Your description in her is nice not wonderful, but nice, though I think in a poem like this it is good to have little description, because the poem is riding on emotion for the most part. You really did pull off the emotion very well and I think you also had just the right amount of description in this poem.

Grammar and Punctuation: I can see no grammar or punctuation problems.

Small suggestions: I do have one suggestion. In the last stanza with the lines
(The world is not how I dreamed.

The reality pains me.)
I feel like this would feel better if you swapped the two lines around.
(The reality pains me.

This world is not how I dreamed.) Just a suggestion though.

Overall a great poem, maybe one of your best. Never stop writing and I hope you have a great day\night.

Your friend Felistia.

Hi it's JustGlitter and I am going to review this awesome poem.

I really understand and relate to this poem and I think that everyone can to some degree which is really good in a poem. Ok now on to the spelling and grammar and it's perfect. I loved the personification I really think it brought some extra life to the poem that makes it all the more moving. This is my new favorite quote."The world is filled with too many almosts, And not enough real life fantasies." Overall this is one of the best poems I have seen in a while.

I love this one of your best poems !

Hey I'm Caitie (you know that though)
I really love your poem and I can so relate to it. Why does reality have to come in a ruin everything. I love your use of personification in the poem. I didn't see any problems with grammar or punctuation. You normally don't have any problems with any of that. All in all I love this poem and it is very relate able!
Bye!

Wow great job and im with you here as a fan of most fantisy areas. some times reality sucks and there isnt any fantisy like are dreams.

enough with the opinions time for a reveiw
First, NO GRAMMER OR SPELLING MISTAKES *Crowd applauds and wistles* You did something thats ussally hard and easy to mess up so great job on that and your concept was great and how i fell as well. One thing thou that i didnt expect was alot of personifacation that was in this wich isnt a bad thing its just uncommon

Over all really great poem Hope it makes spotlight

Hi there!!!
It's writer12345 here to give a review.

First of all this is a great poem, and I love it! (and please forgive me, I'm really not good at reviewing poems)

Okay, the main idea you're brining out about the reality is depicted perfectly.
Reality can be pretty harsh. I think we've all experienced that. And yet we hope, we dream that there are amazing things about your life. But reality crushes all of them. Using your amazing creativity you clearly showed out this in the form of a poem. Good job!

And I must say, this was simple, and easy to understand. And they way you used all those pains really made me realize the truth of reality.

I hope you'll create more amazing poems like this,
Keep writing and have a good day!!!

This was beautiful! I can tell you worked hard on this!! I was expecting this to be a love poem, but the topic was even better. I guess the world isn't what anyone wants it to be.

I think you could possibly add in another few lines. There are so many things this poem could have. If you were feeli. Optimistic, you could show how the world should be or how you want it. I don't know, but it would be beautiful if it was longer and drew a picture of how you want the world. Poems are more beautiful when they are weaved with dreams.

EverWinter

Hey, I'm here for a review!

First off, amazing job!

I love the concept of this; how real life differs from stories. And your approach to writing this, and how you separate your separate ideas by stanzas makes it easy and enjoyable to read:

FORMATTING:

I like how the form of the poem was somewhat consistent throughout. It was spaced evenly, had an asterisk separating stanzas, and had capitalization that was consistent. Although your stanzas are different lengths I think that it fits the ideas in the piece beautifully. (PS: I like how your first stanza ended in an ellipsis: I think it helped transition from the main idea to the supporting parts of your piece.)

CONCEPTS:

Your concepts were all there for this piece. I felt you created a whole picture, finishing the puzzle without leaving any pieces out. Maybe you could have included an example- as I think it would have given the reader(s) more to latch onto and relate to, but the poem is still amazing and whole as is.

GRAMMAR/SPELLING:

I found no grammar/spelling mistakes!

OVERALL:

Nice piece! I loved how you represented your main idea. Your writing in and of itself is superb, and I'd love to read more of your work!

Happy Writing!!!!!
<3