An Ocean to Hold Back

I love this! It’s beautiful.... and, well..... relatable

Hi LunarGirl, I am Buranko and I happened to stumble upon your poem. Of course I read it and after some thinking and analysing I decided I should leave some feedback that can help I hope. So without further ado let's go.

Your poem is one of the poems that belong in the good category. I love how you took the theme of loneliness, anxiety and expanded on it. Stylistically speaking I can see metaphors taking the first spot in your text, both useful in conveying your message and make reading more pleasant.

I see that the main feature of your poem is fragility. You tried portraying a fragile person, someone shy and anxious throughout the poem. Doubt makes him/her realise some hurting things about themselves: " how broken I truly am.

How crushed my soul is,

how cold my heart is,

how fragile I really am.

I'm not ready for the world". I really love how much feeling can be extracted from this persona, which you did.

Now on what I found to be improved. First of all while reading it is a wonderful experience, one can't ignore how much information you add in only a line. It feels overly crowded and hard. Plus you use some words that are useless overall like this from "this Earth". Earth could work the same without that pronoun. I suggest trying to cut down on your word count if you see the message transmited is the same with or without some words.

"So why can't I leave this place?

And run from the memories,

that weigh heavy on my mind." One little mistake here with yout question mark, you used it too soon heh.

That is all I had to say. Keep in mind this is my own opinion and if.you were to modify your poem according to everyone's opinions and preferences.you wouldn't write anything at all. Take what you find useful out of what I said. See you next time

What a poignant predecessor to Stuck in the Past. This is such good writing. I especially liked:
How crushed my soul is,
how cold my heart is,
how fragile I really am.
Such potent emotions expressed so concisely.
Memories really can be crushing. On the other hand, I have found that focusing on memories of love and peace, remembering how they felt more than what happened, can be therapeutic. Hope that helps lol.

Not really a review. I just want to say, that this is a beautiful, amazing and also very sad poem. It is so meaningful and deep. Your metaphors are great! I like it a lot. <3

This is such beautiful poetry.
I love the line 'because once the dam breaks, an ocean of memories will flood in its place.'

Could you possibly make the end rhyme? Since the whole poem rhymes so effectively, could you make it sync with the word long? I think that this would be a touching end.

I also loved the line 'And when I mourn, my tears will flood like a stream that leads to a river, and then I will truly be undone.'
Well done on this poem

I enjoyed this piece