Rewrite The World

Hello there,

Your poem was very inspirational, with lots of meaning and great word choice! Reading it aloud was a pleasure and the conclusion was beautiful. The last two lines are such a sweet and sentimental invitation; "...but the great ones always do. So why not strive to be better, and be a great one too?"

Other lines that stood out to me were, "The world is a conundrum, and we are the answers," "It only takes one to change it. Shouldn't that matter?" and "And it’s empty, because I’m all alone. But somehow, I’m not, and it’s buzzing in the back of my mind like a bee." Those were some powerful lines, and I really like the messages behind each of them.

Your use of imagery, similes, and rhymes were all enjoyable to read as well. The entire poem paints really descriptive images, especially the first and second lines that talk about the sun; "Spraying the sky in colors that clash, but turn into beauty in a flash."

This was very well thought-of and written! Great job crafting this poem.

I enjoyed the read!

~Spider~

Very nice poem. You used lots of good similes, wording, and language.

Everything is perfect except for one thing. I think the rhythm could be a little more exact, which would make the poem a lot more connected and powerful.

Your rhythm:

12, 16, 12, 13, 14, 19, 17, 18, 10, 13, 23, 8, 5, 13, 10, 20, 14

As you can see, the rhythm is uneven and stretches to extremes a lot. If this was your intention, then you can ignore this comment.

I expecially love the similes, though. It was very meaningful language. I loved the baseball, bee, treasure chest, and sun similes. They were all perfect.

Hope you are satisfied with this review!

-Yoshi

Hi, Abdu's here for a review.
Wow, that's truly an amazing poem you've got there.
I'm gonna give 9/10 for it.

* The poem was full of inspiration. From the beginning till the end, reading it was a complete enjoyment.
* Starting with the sun and then comparing yourself with it was a very realistic picture of having 'great expectations'. You may want to become the sun, but the reality is that you'll never become the sun.
* "Spraying the sky in colors that clash, but turn into beauty in a flash."
This is, in my opinion, the most poetic line in this poem.
* "... like a baseball that can't find home."
I don't know much about baseball (People of my country are addicted to cricket 😧)
Even then I was able to figure out that the ball represented you, who's lost in such a big world.
Moreover, wishing to be like the sun while comparing yourself with a baseball sets a perfect contrast between expectation and reality.
* "Lost and lose in the sky..." - This part seemed a bit awkward to me. I couldn't quite figure out what it meant.
* "... I find the X, but never the chest." This was a perfect demonstration of the harsh reality of life. We are taught all our lives that X marks the spot. But let's face it, in reality, X does NOT ALWAYS marks the spot.
* I believe the "never-ending dirt road" symbolizes the frustrations and disappointment someone feels on his/her journey of life.
* "And it's empty, because I'm all alone." - I felt it very deeply. There are like 7 billion of us in this world and we're still all alone. I wonder why.
* "It only takes one to change it." - The way you emphasized our potential was simply amazing-amazing-amazing!
* "The world is a conundrum, and we are the answers." - This reminds me of a quote from a drama written by Shakespeare.
* "So why not strive to be better, and be a great one too?" - I can't find any better ending than this.

It's amazing how you packed such huge amounts of inspiration into a small poem like this. I loved it very much. It was meticulously written, even if you haven't planned to write it this perfectly. And the wordings were also very appropriate. I'm sure this poem will touch everybody's heart who reads it.

Am I exaggerating? Don't know. But it surely gave me a big boost of inspiration. Thank you for that.

Can't wait to read more of your writings. ❤
Good luck. ✌

Wow, Great Poem!