Young Writers Society

Arrow here!

Okay, whoa...the fact that this poem describes sorrow so accurately is terrifying (in a good way!)

I love how you wrote each verse to be descriptive without being too long and wordy and just keeping it short and simple. I really love that.

There are a few errors I do wanna point out though.

Second verse--

It towers tall, holding its ground,
coming in way that I shouldn't allow.
But how?
I’m broken and empty,
just like a clock.

There are only two grammar errors I see in this verse. The line, "...coming in way I shouldn't allow." should be written like this--

"...coming in a way I shouldn't allow."

And then the next line is a bit confusing. The speaker asks, "But how?". I think you should replace "how" with "why", like the speaker is asking why they allow sorrow to come in the way they shouldn't allow.

The last verse of the poem--

"Because death is a blunt night that cuts deep,
It might scare over or scab,
but it will always be there, deep in my gut,
because the hardest thing moving forward."

Alright, this verse had no right to hit me in the feels as hard as it did, but moving on--

I think "night" should be changed to "knife" since "Because death is a blunt night that cuts deep," is kinda confusing.

In the line, "It might scare over or scab,", I think "scare" should be changed to "scar".

Scare = fear
Scar = a mark from a healed wound.

Last thing!

"because the hardest thing moving forward."

Write it like this--

"because the hardest thing is moving forward."

Overall, I really enjoyed this poem and it really tugged at my heartstrings. This was an amazing poem, and I'd love to see more of your writing.

Keep up the amazing work!

With pawfuls of love,
xArrows

Hi!
I feel like you have described good - the feeling of losing someone. I really admired the words you put because it was something even I find hard. Because sometimes the words just don't fit the emotion ya know.

"Blanket of sorrow that I built in a fright" "a fire stocked by desire" Best lines IMO.

But I only have one suggestion. In the first stanza, you have described the feeling of sorrow with the hugging of a bear. I know what you mean. But hugging of a bear kinda gives you a feeling of warmth which is not aimed here, comparing with sorrow looming in your heart.
That was it

Thanks

This is a minor grammatical error such as ;
"because the hardest thing moving forward."


I would like to know what this means? I love this poem its really strong.
"I’m broken and empty,

just like a clock."

overall this is a really good poem I love the second to last paragraph
I feel you should have left the poem off right where it said "Just like I Buried you"
this is where I feel the sorrow and emotion the most it is a perfect place for you're reading to get ended off as if on a cliffhanger so that the message of the poem is felt the strongest at the end.