Hey there! Plume here, with a review!
Oooh, this was a very compelling poem!!
The flow was incredible. I loved the story you wove of both the girl and the bird and how consistently you compared and contrasted to really build up the metaphor. I love how it started as the chain was almost being forged, and then you chronicled how the girl got used to lying and the bird grew used to the chain around its leg and didn't think twice about not having freedom. I feel like the bird metaphor can be applied to several things, like accepting an evil until it comes naturally. It was a really beautifully executed poem. Nice work!
On a smaller scale, I think the flow within your lines was also really great. It had a really nice rhythm despite not rhyming, and the line breaks felt very natural. I especially liked the fourth stanza, where you talk about how both parties have forgotten what freedom and truth tastes like. That sensory appeal is really lovely with the rest of the poem, and the repetition of forgotten works well to emphasize just what they both have lost.
Specifics
even though there all perched on the tip of her tongue, stuck,
Tiny thing: "there" should be "they're," I think.
if not for the chain wrapped around it's fragile leg..
Another small thing: the possessive form of "it" is "its," not "it's."
For if the bird is ever cut free,
would it go on living its life as if it's still tethered to the tree?
I really loved these two lines. I think they presented a very philosophical and poetic question.
Would the girl continue to let sugar-coated lies
spill from her now sour mouth?
Or be able to find the truth in herself,
if there is even any left.
I adored the juxtaposition and contrast in the last stanza with the "sugar coated lies" and "sour mouth." One thing, though: since the last line is adding another option to the question that came before it, I'm pretty sure it would sound better with a question mark at the end.
Overall: really nice work! I enjoyed the flow of your poem a lot, and the perpetuated metaphor was so thought-provoking and visual. It was really nicely executed. Hope to see more of your work soon! Until next time!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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