Once
The world was once happy, with glee and laughter.
People drunk with mirth.
Friends holding hands.
Parties from dawn to dusk.
The world was once content.
That was a long time ago.
The once upon a time story reached its ending.
And that where we crashed and burned.
We made it inevitable.
People now long for the tuch of skin.
To hold someone's hand that’s beating and alive.
Not dead and gone.
You have to sneak out to their funeral, just to get one last glance.
People die, and you won’t get the chance to say goodbye.
People say that’s just how life works.
Because life beats you down, and then you hit the ground.
You're at rock bottom, so the only thing you can do, is rise again.
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139,259 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
Very nice! This is a dramatic poem, so it's very nice and you have just the right amount of theme with a pleasant twist at the end. It's pleasant because well . . . it's pleasant.
Grammatical
pEw pEw pEw the grammar police are HERE
Since I'm assuming the first "Once" is part of the sentence, you should remove the second once, as it is repeating the same word and is redundant.
I think the "The" shouldn't be here.
Were you trying to put "Then" or "That's"? Because "That" doesn't go there very well in the sentence.
"Touch" not "Tuch". I hate typos, too; don't worry.
My grammatical suggestion overall is to proofread your work before sending it out, as it smooths out your mistakes and makes the poem more pleasing to read!
Technical
pEw pEw pEw the technical police is HERE
I think there should be a line break between "Happy," and "Glee".
This is a comment for the entire poem: I think you should put commas instead of periods after each line.
I think the rhythm here isn't consistent enough. With a little more word choice editing, you can change it for the better-- like so:
See how I just removed some stuff and added a little? Just a little bit of that and you can make a poem much more reader-attractive.
I think to make this less prosaic, you can change that first line a bit and change the word choice. For example:
Look at how I used the format of your first section and repeated it in the second section. That keep the reader interested!
Plot
Plot-wise, I think you are talking about being in Quarantine-- and I can feel you. This is truly a heartfelt poem; living during this pandemic is sometimes just something so painful. The metaphorism here is excellent and the structure could use room for improvement, but the plot is absolutely wonderful.
Hope you were satisfied with this review!
-y0sH!
Thanks for the review!
heya! I'm penn, its nice to meetcha, and this is pretty neat.
At line 10 (or 11, i'm not sure if you'd count the italicized "Once" as the beginning line) you did misspell "touch." So, you know.
I think my favorite part of this poem would be how it speaks of hitting rock bottom. Life sucks, and that's the honest, blunt, and kind of mean truth. But you always have the power to get right back up and start climbing out of that hole you made. I like how you manage to get me to reminisce about a time that I probably wasn't even alive to witness and how it degraded, before eventually giving the speaker hope that they can grow past it. That's some powerful stuff right there.
Or i'm overthinking it again. Either way, thumbs up from me!
Thanks for the review!
I like it! You just misspelled "touch" at one point. But other then that, it's great! Keep writing!
Thanks for the review!