The Road We Have Taken
Life is a road, life is a journey.
It has detours that scare you to death,
and parts that make you laugh.
Death was a path we forged.
We made it real,
We made death inevitable,
What will become of us, once we evaporate?.
There are a hundred ways to do it.
Our roads were once beautiful with mountains and valleys.
All there is now, is death lurking around,
in the shadows, and in the light.
You can stray from the path, but you will always come back.
The sun can set, the moon can rise,
it doesn’t matter, because someone you know could die.
Life is a adventure, best not forgotten.
With only death can life be born,
With only devastation, can hope ignite,
but by never straying from the path,
one cannot learn to fix the mistakes of the past.
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139,259 Literary Works • 672,523 Reviews
First of all. Wow, what a way you have with words. I wish I could be half as good as you. I love poetry that leads the reader into the point of view of the writer, which most poetry does, I suppose. You have a very mature sense of language, and for some reason, this makes me think of Walt Whitman's poetry, in which he speaks extensively about the world and how it directly affects the choices we make, and how we perceive them. I love this piece, for that. I really hope this got a good grade (since it was for school). You totally deserve it.
Cheers!
-Minty Leaf.
Thank you so much for that review!
Hey there! I really enjoyed you're poem. The only thing I would look back at (like what yoshikrab pointed out) would be the line 9,
"Our roads were once beautiful with mountains and valleys."
I also think it may sound a bit more fluid if beautiful is replayed with a two syllable word.
Have a great day!!
-Enthusiast
Hey there! I really enjoyed you're poem. The only thing I would look back at (like what yoshikrab pointed out) would be the line 9,
"Our roads were once beautiful with mountains and valleys."
I also think it may sound a bit more fluid if beautiful is replayed with a two syllable word.
Have a great day!!
-Enthusiast
Nice poem!
I think the rhythm would flow better if you changed beautiful with a two syllable word like pretty, gorgeous, laden, etc.
(Sorry, I'm a rhythm police)
When I write poems, I try to avoid repeating a small word like "Is" in a single line. It interrupts the connection of the poem (To my ears) and as a matter of fact, I avoid redundancy as much as possible in any poem.
A better way to write that would be: "All there is now, has death lurking around", or a shorter change, "Death is all there is now."
I don't think there are any major issues. You stick to your repeating mantra of death being inevitable throughout the poem, so I have no problemo with that.
Hope you were satisfied with this review!
-Yoshi
Thanks for the review!