You ask too much,
You take too much,
And when I have nothing left to give
You still hold your hand out
Waiting,
Like a tax collector collecting his dues.
...
I gave you everything I had,
I’ve done all that you have asked,
But you still expect more.
And I can't give that to you,
not when it feels like the whole world is against me
Crushing me beneath the weight of its shoes
As if I were nothing.
...
But I guess I am nothing,
Nothing to you at least
And for all that I do,
It will never be enough for you
Because you will always take more
Then what you are given.
...
So I cook and clean,
I wash and dry,
I tend to the fires so they never die,
And live under your rule
As if I was Rapunzel trapped in her tower.
...
Except I have no one to save me from you,
No rescuer or knight in shining armor,
No prince to sweep me off my feet,
No fairy godmother to wave her magic wand.
...
So I gave up on fairytales long ago,
When no one came,
when the clock struck midnight.
Because at the end of the day
the only one who can save me,
is me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
125,006 Literary Works • 672,809 Reviews
Hellooo! I really enjoyed this poem, so I figured I could give you a little review ^-^
So, like usual I'm going to give my interpretation (although this one is less abstract than some others I've seen on here, so it's mostly clear). The speaker seems to be someone in an abusive relationship who is trying their hardest to make it work and help their partner (doing all the literal work/chores, as well as the emotional work trying to maintain the relationship), but in return, they receive nothing. I really love the progression of the poem as the speaker realizes their efforts are futile, and especially as they decide no one will help them, so they must help themself.
Now into the details! You use great allusion throughout the poem, especially your references to fairy tales, like when you compare the speakers isolation to that of Rapunzel's, or basically the entire fifth stanza. I also really enjoyed the subtle slant rhymes throughout, like "you" and "shoes." I think you also did a great job conveying the mixed emotions associated with being in an abusive relationship. There's a sense of desperation and hopelessness near the beginning of the poem, that gradually shifts towards frustration and anger.
One critique is just with the grammar of the line "So I give up on fairytales long ago." It doesn't feel right to me being present tense, so you might want to change it to "gave."
Overall, I really enjoyed this, so great job! ^-^
This poem sounds like it’s connected to a very interesting story.I liked reading this short and fun poem you made.I thought that you described this character in the poem very well.Hee feelings and frustration of what they’re doing for the other person never,ever being enough,no matter what they do and how many times they do it is written nicely here.I hope you have a good day and night.