The last thing I was really good at

I dipped
my hands into
forever
and finger-
painted sunlight
onto shards
of my long-
term memory

you cracked
hourglass
you wasted
my
time
Comments & reviews · 7
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User avatar
Hannah
Comment

i'm just saying, it's hard to finger paint onto glass, but this is delicious.

User avatar
Lumi
Review
Lumi wrote a review · Thu Nov 29, 2012 2:44 pm

Karzbeb, I wanted to give you this monstrous review to make up for your current lack thereof, but to be perfectly honest, I'm digging this, brah. I've come back everyday since its posting to re-read it a few times, and today I liked it best - not because I got some major revelation, but because I now have the context of the euthanasia debate in the back of my mind. In this way, it reads of a very serene it just before the headlights go out.

So, literally, on every route from intentional flow to intentional imagery, you nailed it. I don't think I've said this before, but don't change a goddamn thing.

User avatar
Renn
Review
Renn wrote a review · Mon Nov 26, 2012 4:48 am

Huh. I like it. But... There's something... off about it. The rhythm is nice, pleasant if you say it aloud, but I feel like the lines should be longer. It leads to mildly choppy thoughts. But look at classic haikus and tankas! Those are pretty much REQUIRED to be choppy! And they're famous!

Anywho, I like it. And I like the fact that it leaves the reader with a feeling about what it's about, not the meaning. Everyone can take away a little something from it, individual to themselves.

- Renn

User avatar
lemona98 Review

i like it, a little sketchy on what is supost to mean though

It felt like you've been very happy but you turned out disappointed afterwards,..
--

Random avatar
Ivy000 Review
Ivy000 wrote a review · Fri Nov 23, 2012 5:56 pm

Wow. Kind of hard to understand, but still really good.

I really don't know what to say, or how you could improve. Nice job.



The greatest part of a writer’s time is spent in reading, in order to write; a man will turn over half a library to make one book.
— Samuel Johnson