The arum lilies began to bloom
on the same day the jonquils died.
That was exactly two years ago,
731 days since the weather broke
and we spent the evening squirreled
away from the exigent water.
I was more comfortable with my polarity
after that, grounded in bleak
and breathless moments, familiar habits,
and air filled with resistance. My chthonic
growth is not slowed by cheap tricks;
in the morning I’ll be poured out like used water,
and, like water, which always finds its level,
settle, recycle.
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139,610 Literary Works • 672,620 Reviews
Hey there. Rebel to review.
Your vocabulary left me speechless. I'm not going to lie, I had to look up a few words in your poem to know what they meant. But, after I learned what the words meant, I thought they really added to the poem.
My main nitpick would be the structure of the poem, as others have mentioned. Having stanzas would be better.
Overall, I think you did a nice job with your poem. I hope you come out with more poems soon!
I am going to be really honest with you, because people have told me this about my own poems, so I know that I say this with no disrespect, but sometimes the over-use of unusual words can take away from a poem.
I couldn't understand this without having to use a dictionary every line and even with it I couldn't really understand it. Words such as 'chthonic' are things that are extremely difficult to pronounce off the top of ones head so it does not aid the flow.
After looking up almost every word I figured out this was about nature, I think. And after several readings I understood what it was talking about, and I do admit, it was pretty in that sense and you have some very nice imagery. The casually words and scientific approach to this can put off readers though, especially those who will not go to the extra effort to look into what things mean.
I support your use of an extended vocabulary, even if you yourself had to raid the dictionary to find it, because I enjoy words and introducing new ones to people, but I felt overwhelmed when I first read this which is the only thing I did not like.
Hey, so I will be reviewing this right now and let me clear the fact that nothing written below means any offense, if you found anything offensive then my apologies.
First of all, I would give an overall view of the poem. It was w well written poem and I can say that your vocabulary is quite good too. There was no rhythm in the poem but I still found it a good piece to read.
Now let's go in deeper depts of the poem, shall we?
Starting from the formatting, your poem did not seemed to be well formatted as their were no paragraphs or stanzas (which is more appropriate) in the poem. It is very important to have stanzas in a poem to make the reader interested in reading it. stanzas can be from 3 lines to 5.
Then I would like to talk about the plot. The poem didn't seem like it had a basic idea or one single idea behind it. I couldn't understand the plot of the poem. Maybe it is because of me myself or maybe it's because the poem's a little too confusing (pardon me if it's the first case)
The punctuation and grammar in the poem was absolutely perfect and I should give yoy a thumbs up for it. even the spellings had no mistakes. So that can be considered a good point in the poem.
Tip: Next time try thinking of some particular thing to write your poem on. usually people prefer poems based on only one idea (at least as much as I know)
Conclusion: A good poem but I couldn't understand it (please do explain me if you get time)
That's all I have got to say. Keep writing and all the very best for your future works.
umaima
I quite enjoyed the poem's lyrical flow. Almost songlike, yet hauntingly beautiful. The only thing that confused me was how you did the stanzas (or poetic lines in this case). I would maybe suggest starting each new sentence on a different line. Other than that, it was a very thoughtful and well written poem. Keep up the great work.
J.R. Spotswood