Eulogy

So I like just about all of this and just about all of this feels original and unique. The only thing I don't like as much is the line "our grandparents trod the same path once". This line seems cliche. I've heard it before and about 95% of my dislike for it stems from the use of the word "trod".

To me (which doesn't mean much) trod seems quite Elizabethan, like you dropped your own voice for a second and borrowed someone else's.

Other than that word this poem has such a cool voice, rhythm, and style.

I really like this part:

The sun never sets over
Sunset Street, just hangs at eye-level
from my top floor balcony.
From there I can see
the road I took here:
follow the coal road North
until it turns into the steel road.
Turn left on 42nd,
or West 19th, it doesn't really matter,
and keep going until the steel road
turns into something else.

I'm really into rhythm and not just in writing and when I read this part I just kept rereading it.

Thanks for posting something so cool!

Karzkin,

This piece is aptly titled, and I think that is what is interesting about this piece because it begins in a very positive, very moving and active first stanza, and it's like it spirals into this tone of bitterness or longing for something that's long gone (maybe the speaker swallowed it whole) and that's too beautiful. The emotions are stinging, and it kind of hurts - and I love it =^_^=

Your first line sets the tone for the piece, while simultaneously grabbing the reader by the wrist and yanking them right into this. The sounds here are great as well, the marching on, dawn, just add to this cadence. Now, I understand that life is being attributed to something that you can ingest, so I like the images you have with night/day and how it just speeds along, I definitely feel a swallowing effect happening here- but that last line: "something" here is too vague, lazy. I know you can come up with a more precise word you're looking for. The semi-colon is incorrectly used in that first line (and I found it distracting) because your phrase afterwards is a fragment and not a complete thought on its own. Why not just go full on colon?


The second stanza is neat, when anyone mentions 42nd, I'm immediately in New York time's square. The coal, steel kinda help with this imagery and I think you're using it to function as symbols as well. I'd like to hear your thoughts on this, because I feel there is a connection between the coal/steel and the grandfathers and my mind wants to go in this direction that's like, well obviously, our grandfathers made these paths what it is, and that also mirrors how our grandfathers also shaped us and have walked life and had these same experiences, and it brings to mind an existential quality to this piece as well (yep, you're right, all of your poetry <3)

I think it's the play on the sunset street and sunsets, which makes me think of Sunset Boulevard which is actually pretty neat, and whether or not that reference is intentional, it works. I did feel that this stanza was the weaker one when in comparison to the first and last, but I also felt like it was needed there in the middle to connect the two, as this one functions more as a reflection of the past and the journey.

"trod" I want to read as "trodded" or "trode" even though I'm sure I don't have a clue what I'm talking about it, those can't be words.

I'm just pulling at straws now, because I can't really find anything else to pick at. :3 Yeah, amateur poet my ass! After this, I want to bring some virtual smoothies over and talk some more, k?

~ as always, Audy

This had an interesting voice to it. I loved it, however, it seemed off? Some of the lines seemed rough or out of place in that particular stanza?

I will come back (if I remember) and point out a few things

Hnnnnnnnnng

I love this. I'll be back for a proper response, soon <3

This is really, really good. Loved the way it was written. Perfection.