In a few days
______the ground will dry up
and so many insects –
clicking, chirping, jumping
against my legs with their tiny furies,
a racing tidal chirm
amongst the sorghum and sorrel, so many mouths
slaughtering petals, tomatoes, olives, hanging
on a swirl of wind and winnowing wings –
my transient halo
______in a few days
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140,946 Literary Works • 673,776 Reviews
Hey! IamTraunt here to review!
Now, I'm not an expert on Poems, but I do like to have a read of them, and I found that this one is a very nice read. You use enjambment from beginning to end to show the on going days of summer, which has a nice effect to it. You also use triple emphasis a few times to show the effect of the insects which is also a very nice touch - it just highlights the good and the bad of summer - as a lot of insects are nice to look at like lady bugs, butterflies ect; but then out come slugs and snails that devour vegetable patches and flowers. Good job!
Wow. Your imagery is also brilliant! The way you describe the insects to be a tidal wave instantly gives the reader an image of a swarm of insects and how you say they 'slaughter' plants gives off the idea that the plant is defenceless against this menace.
Your vocabulary is also outstanding - so I looked up the words, (as I didn't know what a couple meant) and I found out that 'chirm' means to chirp. Not only did you use the imagery correctly, but you also taught the reader something. I also like how you use your knowledge when putting 'sorghum and sorrel', it just adds to the effect of your poem. You also wowed me when using 'transient' as from the readers perspective, they know the bugs will die out soon, but instead of putting 'the will die in a few days', you put this brilliant price of language:
Absolutely beautiful! I loved it <3
Keep up the good work!
This poem is very nice because it leaves room for open interpretation. In addition, the usage of certain literary devices, such as alliteration, really do allow this piece to flow in a nice way. I also enjoyed how you decided to end your poem the same way you began it. This repetition of important lines really makes it more memorable. Nice work!
Hello.
I get the feeling this is an experimental work? Although I'm not sure.
You've got good control over language and structure in this work and it is very impressive. What does it all mean though? I don't understnad.
Are you an angel?
I feel like the meaning here is just about tangible but somehow keeps escaping. But I like it - because at the very least your work is making me think and that's always good.
I guess I will keep thinking about the way you have written this and why and what it could all mean.
Good alliteration and diction though.
Keep writing.
~BSF
Thanks.