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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Plug your ears with beeswax; this song ain't so pretty. I'm going to write out my rationale as I go along with this, so keep with me.
You know this is a personal taste, but the jarring, sort of Tangent Style puts me off. But it's a style. So yes.
I'm going to trust that you're not using "the mast" as a phallic image, nor "bullet wounds" as a yonic image (though it makes the piece much funnier if you are).
So tying brotherhood (even pseudobrotherhood in a platonic friendship) into seven virgins and the story of the sirens. Distance. Drifting apart in a relationship. There's escapism written under here, too, beneath the virgin sacrifices. At least, that's what I get--and I'm all for some escapism and platonic divide. What I'm curious about is the significance of "say goodnight" in the midst of your flow. There's a hiccup there because it's hard to say--not necessarily to the duality of the virgins, since no one plays a trick like K-Z--but to the brother. At the same time, I feel like that's a misled interpretation.
I'm curious as to the substance of the homophone "tears" in the title, since it changes a bit of the meaning. In the midst of shirts and roundhouse kicks, I'll take it as meaning rips. I like that. Tears from the eyes evokes a bit too much wet emotion for brotherhood, I think.
Bring forward the clarity of the virgin necessity; otherwise, my taste for the line is dropping. You have strong ties between lines 1/2 and 7/8/9. Suture the rest and we'll call it Ab-minor.
-Doomi
ok this is going to be more of an oppinonated thingy than a real review. From a readers point of view you're going 'what the fork is going on.' I'm sure that this poem has some deep meaning to it but as a reader you really don't know what's going on. At least, I don't. So yeah but i liked the word choice.
ok this is going to be more of an oppinonated thingy than a real review. From a readers point of view you're going 'what the fork is going on.' I'm sure that this poem has some deep meaning to it but as a reader you really don't know what's going on. At least, I don't. So yeah but i liked the word choice.