What does it matter
how we arrived here, or why;
it's people like us who have learned
to breathe watery air,
to seep through cracks,
and to emerge wordless into the night,
rediscovering ourselves
as ruptures
on the surface of the world.
Our universe reels and tilts
under some long-
forgotten point of fracture.
What does it matter
now, as we swim in the same element,
sand shifting beneath us
like a soft slipping back into place,
and in each wave
the calm dead centre
of balance.
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Canary word: Present
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140,560 Literary Works • 673,435 Reviews
What a poem!
Timmyjake here! Firefox won't let us go! More reviews. more reviews. The taskmaster of the dumplings, I am afraid.
Anyway, on to the poem!
It seems to be about swimming, but not about water. About keeping afloat in the world? "Why does it matter how we arrive here, or why;" I think it means a particular place in the world. But I can't be sure. "The surface of the world, and Our universe reels and tilts" Not sure what it's supposed to mean...
I can't see any grammatical issues, and high-top has told me that punctuation is kind of what ever you want in a poem, so no critiquing there.
Great poem! Keep writing!
The beginning of the poem caught me. I liked it. It is very much in tune to how I...think. It has great imagery and flows nicely. But there is one nit-picky thing I didn't like. The last two lines of the first stanza kind of halt me out of the dream, due to the way it was formatted.
"under some long-forgotten
point of fracture."
When I read it like this it leads me into the next stanza; It makes me want to read more. That is really all I have to critique about this poem. It is very good, and I enjoyed reading it. I especially liked the ending.
~Rainn
I'm truly impressed by this piece. the imagery you use to describe the world is truly breathtaking. I would love to see what happens when you try to add in a character to your work. The only small correction I really have is to put question marks at the end of each stanza since they are questions. Awesome job, keep up the good work.
Stay golden, Ponyboy.
It's actually "Stay gold, Ponyboy."
damn. That too.