Blackwattle Bay dried up overnight;
fresh-with-forgiveness to dry
heaves
in a matter of minutes.
Are
you afraid of the dark?
Do you see basalt-tipped fingers
when you close your eyes, sand and salt, apotheosis,
and cries of “Lunge! Deeper! Again! Drive it!”
tempting tempting
searching searching
searching
lost
a quintessent moment of clarity:
you’re wasting your time here mate
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
First reaction: What the heck is this poem about?!!
Second reaction: The ascent to guessing. And for some reason my mind is at sea and I see the narrator as a sailor but that can't be quite right because of the lines "'Lunge! Deeper! Again! Drive it!'" Also because I looked up the definition of apotheosis. So he could be a shipbuilder and the standards are high, and this is his lament, or it is something like the short film MORE. Either way I like it, I like the sense of being lost the narrator has and always searching, I like the idea of a quiet calamity, because in the end the world will end in silence, and it will end. So this really is all just a big waste of time. This poem is great, my interpretation being that it's so philosophical.
Hello! SecreteJournalist here, but feel free to call me Brie. I'm here for a quick review.
There isn't much to nitpick, but I do have a suggestion. The last line should have a period in it, and possibly a comma, but that's my only suggestions. This poem is almost near flawless, and I absolutely love it. Really, I suppose my review is over. There isn't much more to nitpick, and I could go on with praise forever. Keep writing, I'll keep reviewing!
This is really spectacular! I love your elloquent uses of words and phrases and your unusual yet flowingly rhythmic pace is almost soothing, no matter what the tone was and/ or is!
<3
The one single (and very much microscopic) nitpick I found in your excellent piece was this, in the final line:
" you're wasting your time here mate "
Now, as dearly much as I love your free-style flow, the first thing I felt when I read over that sentence was the absence of a comma. Where, you may ask? I found that directly between the words "here" and "mate" you were lacking a comma. Just as a suggestion: ADD ONE!
Otherwise, great work! You're a fantabulous poet, Karzkin!
Regards,
-sbf1102