Scabrous the gazelle
falling into a building
next to a picnic that looks like an elephant
his spine is migrated
to the landscape of cubes
where coffee's legs are parallel
Roosevelt tapirs and the navy
meow after the spongy sky
because the goat on fire walks
across the purple lake
with a hovering bowl of eels
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140,946 Literary Works • 673,776 Reviews
Karzkid,
You're pushing me here, I don't think I read this before I promised you I'd comment on it. And now I'm kind of regretting that because I'm going to be a bit useless, probably. I think that you're clearly pushing language and the form of poetry and you're asking this poem be looked are more... considerably than one would usually. It's beyond me, I think. What I want to suggest is that this poem is saturated in references, of a kind which suggest a deep involvement with politics, history and culture. This might just be because I want to find meaning in a poem which suggests nonsense to its very core. There is, of course, nothing truly wrong with a poem which doesn't engage in any sensible core. The nonsense poem has a strong background and if I took your poem for what it is on face, I'd say that you have a poem which makes no translatable sense. You have a poem which, here begs of experimentation with language and suggestion, which I like to see.
In regard to your poem though, it tells us something and I like what you're telling us. It's beautiful in a way because it's nonsense and I don't have to consider anything beyond the gazelle's spine moving into cubism. Is this about art? Art and animals and pursuit of something. I cannot decipher your poem but I think you could stand to flick the spongy sky, it feels wrong even in this picture. Use something a little more... gelatinous perhaps? I see the alliteration but it could be used better.
Ah, but I have been useless. I hope it helps a little bitty bit.
- Guin.