grit

Karzin,

Oooh, this is interesting. I like this:

the
sigh of scrunched eyelids

I like how the line ties in with the title, while simultaneously making me squirm. I like how you make me squirm, while telling me to give up and try again. Short and brisk works for this.

BUT what I don't like are some of the line breaks. That "the" hanging all by itself there seems without a purpose. I want to say the same thing for "try"

I kind of like how you dive right into the poem with the "but nothing..." line, but I do wish there were some more precision to some of the word choices. Like stadium for example, just seems so random, almost like it was the first word that comes to mind when making the comparison - but I feel like there could be a better word there - or at least, more descriptive imagery to go along with it. Do you get what I mean? It's like -- I can literally replace "stadium" with ANY word (locomotor, for example) and it would make sense. Which tells me that the particular word doesn't do anything for this piece. (Or maybe I'm missing something entirely - which could be the case) Anyway, short pieces tend to have this NEED for precision. Everything must fit together, because since it's short - each singular word takes on more importance. So that's another thing I would improve. Word-choice. But other than these really picky and technical things, I'd give it a like.

My two cents, anyway.

~ as always, Audy