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I hope dying feels like the end of a car ride,
Spoiler
being carried up the stairs, and placed in bed
as a child, with deep breaths and heavy eyes,
the gentleness of the mattress consumes you,
as you grow sleepier.
And I hope dad will wake me up.
"I didn't expect to see you here so soon," he will say,
as he cradles me in his arms, the way he did when I was small.
And I will finally be able to cry, consumed with love,
when I die.
We imagine death to be cruel and heartless,
an eternal stop, an unimaginable unknowing,
but perhaps, it will be kinder than life ever was.
What if it is beautiful beyond all knowledge?
Will I regret letting fear kill my dreams, instead of failure?
I hope dying feels like being a child again,
with no yesterday to regret and no tomorrow to hope for,
no longer bound to my broken, trauma filled body,
I will be nothing more than small.
I will be nothing more than free.
I hope this is how he felt, when death carried him away.
Thank you for being here and making my life better <3
-Ellie
Hey Ellie, Kaerae here to leave a quick review.
It's been a while so forgive me if my review is a little shaky~
First of all, I like what the poem is based off of. Death is such an untouched topic that has such a wide controversy of ideas. But I like the idea you set in your poem that death is hopefully not something to be feared, more like waiting for a happy ending with the people we once lost in a human life.
I like the little comparison of death being like the end of a car ride. It reminds me of my own experiences of my favorite hobby, traveling. That bittersweet feeling at the end of a long day. The "I am glad to be home, but also a little sad that I had to leave" is the memory it brings.
In all honesty, if you view death that way, it is bittersweet. Finally being able to be with loved ones, but also leaving a few loved ones in the process. But of course, like you pointed out, what if death is more beautiful and calmer than life itself. Life can sometimes be so hectic and scary, maybe death is peace and quiet.
And then of course, we get the short comparison,
It is such a beautiful thought, that we could be as free and innocent as a little child again. Not having to worry about anything: Money, school, careers, romantic life, or anything at all about the future. If you think of death like this, it is beautiful.
Overall, this piece is well written and includes themes that are really interesting to think about. I hope to see some more of your work soon!~
Sending love,
Kaerae
Hello Hello, I hope you dont mind me popping in with a quick response. I do hope you know that there are people who do care about you and it will get better even if it doesn't feel like it I will be sending you some digital hugs through this review by the way! That being said let's get into it, shall we?
This was heartbreaking in the best way all the emotion read super clear. I was super moved because the imagery comes out and paints this vivid picture of childhood memories. Then as we go on we see how harsh life can be and I feel like I should go through the screen to comfort you as it's this bitter sweat yearning. I know what it feels like to want the bad times to end to return to a somewhat happy childhood all of these lines hit me in the gut.
I am sorry I didn't go into much detail I needed you to know that this wrecked me in a way only good poetry can. So I might not have any feedback this go around.
Just remember it's not hopeless and by living you can carry on the memories of those lost and make them proud. There's always someone who thinks you matter and your words matter as well because you don't know who they might touch.
As always keep living, as well as writing and remember to drink water!
Dying would never come as a box of treasure
although no one knows what lies after death
it all seems like a mystery from our world
a very good writing
Damn, this kinda hits hard. We all constantly fear death as we live, but we don’t take as much time to think of death in any difference sense than just.. death.
Another great piece of poetry!
Also, Nono, thank YOU for being here with your amazing enthusiasm for poetry and spreading the love of poems.