Young Writers Society

Hello there! This is Orabella, here to give you a quick review!

I originally read this in your poetry novel thread and I was immediately in love with it, and as soon as I realized it only had one review I was like what??? This is so amazing how have ten people not already reviewed this??? Well anyway I'm here because I need an excuse to read it over and over again. XD

I love how everything connects back to everything in the poem. The mirror again in the fifth stanza, the dove of your father, the birds, the stars, the flowers, the me myself and I; it's all incredibly beautiful, and quite honestly I don't know how you did that so well. Incorporating the same elements again later in a poem is difficult to do meaningfully, and rhyming is frankly quite hard, but somehow you managed to combine the two?! Not to mention the fact that you made the entire thing chalked full of meaning and emotions to the point where I want to cry! How do you do this?? You're like a magician with poetry, and this is just one example! I've read so many of your other poems and you got me crying, like actually tearing up.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall is from Snow White, but you don't stop with the fairy tale/fantasy there. The whole poem is themed with it, from the mirror itself to the tower, animals, flight, the dove, even the stars and flowers, in a way, and yet the poem feels contemporary and so real to life - real to right now. I may not have experienced the same things as you with the same family situation, but I can feel the emotions and the intentions behind it and it makes me want to cry, but feel hopeful at the same time, with your beautiful ending there.

I really can't choose one or two, so here are some of my favorite lines/stanzas that are absolutly beautiful:

Father, Father, the only one that I loved,

why then, did you fly far away like a dove?

Longing for death,

but too afraid and too weak to die.

how many more steps can you tumble, before you finally fall?

Someday, Someday, I will fly far away from this place,

with beauty on my wings, captured by grace.

I will shatter the glass of your despicable mirror,

free at last, abandoning my fears.

OML, Ellie you have once again outdone yourself!! This is packed with emotion and you practically go on an emotional rollercoaster with the character as she/he starts from heartbroken and enslaved by her own burdens weighing heavily on her to free at last and free to find the eternity of peace she/he deserves. Wonderful work!!! Words can’t describe how much I love it…

ahh not a review, i just really loved reading this poem <3

Hello, my friend!

Your poem, here, is so incredible, I can really feel the passion you can put into it. The repeating verses covering the self, mother, father, and brother very elegantly build a picture in mind, a sort of dark family portrait, then those beautiful verses of liberation build it into an inspiring and hopeful story, and finally, leads to a well-delivered ending of tranquility. Even with its grim undertones, it's a very heartfelt and touching narration.

The golden lines, what really hit the most, was this section right here:

"I will steal all the shining stars up above, and find every flower, perhaps my father's dove."

Amazing choice of words. Provokes so many emotions.

In more practical terms, the simplified rhyme pattern and structure help to give it that feeling of authenticity, and I couldn't spy any sort of errors -there's no recommendation I could make. I'm not a professional either way, but I would rate this 10/10.

Overall, brilliant work!

your poetry is so beautiful and heartfelt, Ailah, I love this so much! you are an incredible writer and I love reading your poems. I don't know how you manage to make it rhyme but still be serious and heartfelt, that is a skill i wish i had!